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Word Wizard vetoes strange new job titles

Sometimes it takes something icky happening to us to appreciate life’s most basic principles or simple joys.

You know, something such as getting COVID for the second time. Or unfairly losing a job. Or having telemarketers blow up your phone 20 of the 24 hours in a day. Seriously, stop it. You are so lucky I don’t know YOUR home number. I’m not joking. Knock it off.

Speaking of which, I can’t help but notice how job titles have morphed over time.

Whatever happened to the good old days when companies had positions named accurately to reflect roles — and which were, you know, like, normal.

Because, I gotta tell ya, some of the names being slung around as worker titles these days are, well, kind of weird.

This I discovered when I stumbled upon “The 10 Strangest Job Titles Used by Real Companies” on the website resumecoach.com. Come on, don’t tell me you wouldn’t be intrigued, too.

Look, I’m all about modernization and innovation and empowering team members through whatever means might achieve such. It’s just that, there are several newly named roles with which I’d not want to be saddled in, like, a bazillion years. They include:

・ Fashion Evangelist — Um, isn’t this a fashion editor? According to the aforementioned website, they do exactly the same job as any online fashion editor, including collaborating with brands, designers and bloggers to generate the best content. So, what gives?

・ Digital Prophet — The title was first used by former AOL executive David Shing. It’s basically the person(s) seeking out new business and branding opportunities for tech companies. I take umbrage with this one, particularly. Biblical references for sales people? Not cool.

・ Chief Troublemaker — Can you believe that this is a modern version of the CEO title? Many founders and CEOs of new upstart tech and lifestyle companies view themselves as the head of all the team’s “disruptors,” making the head honcho the Chief Troublemaker.

Shoot, and all this time I thought that was the main duty of Dennis-the-Menace. Hmm.

・ Here’s one I never heard before seeing that site: King / Queen of Rigor. What in the heck?

Apparently, a King or Queen of Rigor is, in reality, a PR agency’s account director.

・ Ah, then there’s what’s known as the Digital Overlord. And while this does sound a lot like Darth Vader’s distant cousin, it’s really just the way some businesses refer to their website managers.

Also, in many a business, gone are terms like “executive,” “associate,” “specialist” and “expert.” Hip, trendy leaders have now deemed those standout employees as:

・ Rockstars — Sorry, but unless you’re headlining a dope concert at, like, Madison Square Garden, I beg to differ.

・ Ninjas — Not buying it unless you are a covert agent / mercenary in feudal Japan

・ Evangelists — Um, are you a preacher? A missionary? A crusader? Then you, my friend, are no evangelist, a’ight?

・ Heroes — Nope. No way. Absolutely not. Soldiers, police men and women, firefighters, doctors, nurses, teachers — now THESE are my version of superheroes. Sorry, Spider-Man.

・ Geniuses — Stop! Who do you think you are, Albert Einstein? Sheesh!

・ Word Wizards — Eh, as a writer, I must admit, I’m fine with this one.

・ Gurus — If I’m being honest, I’ve referred to some folks with this salutation. Gulp. Guilty.

・ Superheroes — Again, unless you are able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, fuggedaboutit!

Kimerer is a word wizard aiming for guru status sometimes in 2022. Contact her via pkimerer@zoominternet.net.

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