There are benefits to being a grown up
Remember getting sent to bed as a child because your parents wanted to watch a “grownup movie?” Or because the adults were going to play a “mature” card game? As if kids can’t figure out poker?
I suppose, maybe back in the day it was considered too shady or something? Please.
Truth is, they were probably afraid we’d clean ’em out! I digress.
But it wasn’t just certain films or games that were no-nos for wee ones. Do you recall having certain items labeled taboo to you due to your age? I mean, clearly anything alcohol-related but so many foodstuffs, as well.
Off the top of my head, I seem to remember an aunt smacking my hand when I attempted to try caviar at a wedding.
“That’s not for children to eat!” she said rather sternly.
I dare not reply to this particular aunt. Back talk would equal backhand, capisce? Shudder.
Now, I don’t presume there’d be a vast amount of kids who’d actually ENJOY the taste of caviar? Am I right? I mean, sure, back then we thought it was some kind of lumpy dark chocolate pudding, jiggling around in that fancy bowl next to watercress crackers.
Of course, in reality it was super-salty, er, fish eggs. Ick.
Then again, we seem to have no problem making tons of concoctions from eggs that dropped out of nefarious regions of chickens, now do we?
Let’s face it, “over-easy eggs” is just a classy way of saying “practically chicken babies.”
And then there was the candy brand that basically belittled children as not cool enough to eat it. Remember Toffifay, the hazelnut smothered in hazelnut / chocolate cream and was then plopped into a tiny caramel cup dotted by a round splotch of chocolate?
Frankly, I loved them even though their tagline was, “Toffifay — it’s too good for kids.”
Try running that motto in 2022, big, dumb German chocolate company. I double-dog dare you!
The bottom line is now that I’m all super mature and what not, I can partake in many a thing that was once kept out of my reach. So, as I’m prone to do, I conducted one of my infamous “Patty Polls” to determine why so many of my friends like adult life better kid-dom:
・ “Watch TV whenever I want.” Word. I’m queen of the clicker, yo.
・ “Can eat dessert for dinner (or just skip dinner altogether)!” Um, that doesn’t seem like a good idea but, OK?
・ “Swear without repercussions.” Ah, lovely. What can I say? These are my friends, ladies and gents.
・ “Don’t have to make my bed every morning.” Um, I hope you still do?!
・ “No more homework.” Amen and hallelujah!
・ “Using all the hot water I want during my morning shower!” Well, that’s kinda not so nice but everyone’s got their druthers?
Bottom line: kids are people, too. Pretty darned important ones — even when they beat you to the shower.
Kimerer is a columnist who loves not having to drink milk every morning, blech! Contact her with your related preferences via email@example.com.