’Tis the season to be snarky in an annual ripoff

My Sentiments Exactly

I think it’s time for me to sum up 2021, no? Because, if I’m being honest, this year’s been a bit of a stinker. Sorry, but it has.

Stupid 2021.

Which is why I try to use this space to make way for a little smile or two. Now THAT is my jam. And jelly. And chocolate sauce, I s’pose. Although, I’d rather talk real sauce, my friends. The kind with tomatoes. With tons of garlic. And basil. And homemade meatballs, too.

I’m Italian, capisce? We eat lasagna on Jesus’ birthday. It’s what we do.

Speaking of, here’s my abbreviated, annual ripoff of Clement C. Moore’s classic, “A Visit from St. Nicholas.”

‘Twas one week before Christmas

When PK looked yonder

And realized that this year,

She had lots to ponder.

Pandemics and vaccines

And boosters — oh, boy!

Remember when our biggest problem

Was picking a toy?

How I long for the days

From old yesteryear

When I struggled between

Spider-Man or a new teddy bear.

Should I get Kyle a puzzle?

Or maybe some toys.

Because certainly nothing was

Too much for my boy.

When what to my wandering

Eyes should appear?

But a full-grownup man

Old enough to drink beer.

I cannot be sure

How this time has sped by.

Or what it could be

That is making me cry.

For certain one reason

Is my heart busting open.

Full of pride and much love

Not to mention devotion.

Because here towering o’er me

Like a mini-Greek god

Is my wee baby boy

In a man’s full-grown bod.

He’s strapping and handsome

If I might please say so?

And if you don’t believe me

Just follow the flow…

Of all the young ladies

Who can’t seem to help

Chasing after my son

Right in front of myself.

It’s all I can do

To rebuke every one

Because clearly there are none

Great enough for my son.

Then again, that’s not true.

For my true heart’s desire

Is for him to find the one

Who sets his heart afire.

Perhaps my real wish

Has got nothing to do

With my son getting married

Or settling down too soon.

No, what I’m really hoping for

This beautiful season

Is for everyone to pause

And remember its reason.

I’m not scared to say

That my Savior was born

On the day we acknowledge

As next Saturday morn’.

What the actual date

On which he arrived

Has been highly debated

And even denied.

But take heart, my dear friends

And don’t ever forget

That the good Lord sent Jesus

To pay off our debt.

Merry Christmas, my pals!

And for all of the humans on earth

I hope you take a moment

To celebrate His great birth.

— Kimerer is a columnist who wishes everyone a very Merry Christmas. Contact her for more “and-to-all-a-good-night” kinda mush at www.patriciakimerer.com.


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