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Spring snow shows 2021 is as sneaky as 2020

So… it happened in the waning hours of the evening of April 20.

One by one, they glacially gathered — silently, secretly and under the dark sheath of night as their cover and shield.

They’re sneaky like that — cold-hearted critters

They kept calling out to their little frigid pals to come on down and join their steely soiree — a frosty little funfest that would leave so many of us waking up chilled to the bone the next day.

Which was, ironically, Earth Day Eve.

You’ll recall that Earth Day is celebrated on April 22 to recall the day in 1970, when U.S. Sen. Gaylord Nelson helped kick off the concept formally.

This, after years of trying to raise the national, collective consciousness on eco-hazards such as oil spills, polluting factories / power plants, toxic dumps, and the loss of wilderness / extinction of wildlife, to name a few. It eventually led to the creation of the Environmental Protection Agency, BT dubs.

I digress.

Yup. Snow. On April 20, 2021.

A full month into the spring season — one month to the day after its onset, actually.

Mmm, hmm. Snow.

Snow on April 20. And again the next night. And on the ground April 22 — Earth Day morning.

Two months in advance of the onset of the summer solstice on June 20, 2021.

The SUMMER solstice. Summer.

Snow, so dangerously close to summer. As if we need yet another sign of impending doom these days. Sheesh!

Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, am I sending out irritated vibes?

Ah, well, that’s probably only because I am flat-out, COMPLETELY, ENTIRELY and PASSIONATELY chapped, capisce?

SNOW AFTER THE MIDPOINT OF APRIL? No.

Not cool. I don’t mean to rag on Mother Nature and all but, GURLLLL, what in the actual what?

Since when is it OK that anyone has to endure snow at this point in the year (even a passing, wet flake!) who lives anywhere in one of the contiguous U.S. states other than ones immediately pressed up against Canada?

Fine, we’re just a hair below the border. And Chardon in Geauga County IS listed as No. 22 of Wikipedia’s “snowiest U.S. cities.” Whatever.

Stupid Lake Erie.

How great of a lake can it possibly be if it doesn’t even shelter us away from arctic weather conditions toward the end of April?

Grrrr.

I had such high hopes for 2021 after such a BLEEP 2020.

OK, maybe medium hopes.

All right, perhaps slight hopes.

FINE, I was literally afraid to breathe I was so scared this year might actually be WORSE than last … but I had a slight sliver, a’ight?

But I gotta say, 2021? I swear, you reek almost as bad as your predecessor.

You are literally in the narrowest of leads, by a proverbial nose (and like, a literal hair).

Here’s some other stuff honkin’ me off this year so far:

* How whoever I root for on “Chopped” on the Food Network NEVER WINS.

Not once. Legit. Nary a one.

Appetizer, entree, and dessert round. Every. Single. Time. #PKIsALoser

* Snow in March.

* How, while I’m super stoked to still be working from home, I find that I AM chewing 87 packs of gum per week.

Other than the lockjaw, it wouldn’t be that bad, except for biting the inside of my mouth … in the same spot … 9,261 times … a day … every day.

* Snow in February.

* How all my shoes have disappeared.

Sure, it’s been a minute since I have worn, well, any of them. But, I swear to you, I cannot find a single matching pair — other than my boots and snow shoes.

Which clearly, may work until 2022.

Happy Spring, peeps!

— Kimerer is a columnist who hates snow in springtime. And summer. And fall. And most of winter. Send rays of sunshine to www.patriciakimerer.com

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