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Pandemic Phil — the root cause of 2020

My Sentiments Exactly

One of my favorite episodes of “Sex and the City” is the one after Aidan and Carrie break up and he moves out.

Oooh, speaking of SATC, are you aware that it’s getting a reboot and there will be a third movie? WOOT WOOT!

Naturally, the good news comes with a touch of scandal, that being Kim Cattrall, aka, the supremely spicy and super sultry Samantha Jones, will NOT be involved in the project.

Yikes.

No savagely single, sexy, smart, shamelessly social Sam? With her bombastic banter and wicked wit, Sam was the fiercely ferocious, foxy feline, femme fatale who could have been so easily despicable — but was wildly fun and fabulous instead, thanks to Cattrall’s talent and timing.

This foursome with a subpar Sam stand-in has me somewhat skeptical. Sure, it still will be awesome to find out what the other three gals have been up to since Abu Dhabi but, sans Samantha?

Hmpf.

I guess I’m approaching it with guarded hopefulness. It’s sort of like the retooled Adam Lambert version of Queen, I suppose. I mean, I love it and all, but ain’t nobody can ever truly replace Freddie Mercury, you dig?

Moral of the story? You clearly don’t mess with Sarah Jessica Parker if you intend to be in SATC sequels, yo.

Either way.

Back to “Ring-a-Ding Ding” — the episode in which Carrie’s faced with scrambling to come up with $30K to buy her apartment after Aidan low-key evicts her.

In summary, Carrie blames Charlotte, of all people, for not offering her a loan. She admits that she “suddenly gets irrationally angry and knows just who to irrationally take it out on,” then proceeds to lambaste poor Charlotte, who thinks money exchanges between friends makes things weird. She ain’t wrong.

Anyhoo, I love this episode for so many reasons:

1. I never liked Aidan with Carrie. Sorry, I just didn’t. He was sweet and quirky and adorbs, and he loved her so much — but she just didn’t love him back. It was painful.

2. Carrie deserved to get dumped. She really did. Not only had she cheated on poor Aidan (not to mention literally smashing poor Natasha’s teeth in) but also, she accepted his engagement ring knowing full well she would never truly commit to him. Not cool.

3. Big tried to rescue her. Yeah, he wasn’t the best boyfriend ever but still didn’t have to write her that check. I love Big and no one will change my mind, so please don’t try.

4. Sam and Miranda came in clutch — not to mention showing how formidable they were — when offering Carrie cash ’cause they both HAD THAT MUCH TO SPARE!

5. It proved why Charlotte is my fave. She ultimately saves the day by giving Carrie her perfect Tiffany’s engagement ring from Trey. Charlotte always does the right thing and I adore her, period.

This all brings me to my point: A year ago, at this time, life was still relatively normal. Mostly. Then Groundhog Day hits and it all goes downhill from there.

Pandemic, er, I mean Punxsutawney Phil, I believe, is at the root of all 2020’s problems.

Are you aware that he’s only been 39 percent correct in his predictions since 1886? Jerk.

Look, is it really Phil’s fault that COVID-19 season won’t end? No. But I’m irritated and I know just who to irrationally take it out on. Sorry, Phil.

Watch your shadow AND your step this year, ya rotten little rodent.

— Kimerer clearly needs more sunlight. Send her vitamin D coupons via www.patriciakimerer.com.

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