Despite coming second to last, November is great

November is pretty impressive for a month that comes in second to dead last, am I right?

Lots of people like the 11th month best. Well, many people; okay, like four. This is probably because there are some undeniable detractors for the poor, put-upon month.

For instance, this year it brought the most redonkulous primary Election Day since Dewey defeating Truman, yo. But other brutal characteristics are November’s earmark, as well.

For instance, at least in this neck of the woods, it’s usually cold. And dark. Really dark.

And it’s usually fairly dank most of the time, too. The kind of wet, humid, cold that seeps deep into your bones and stays there … ’til next May.


Sure, it’s past peak foliage season. Yep, it’s too late for that.

The only hanging-on-to-the-tree-like-grim-death leaves left on most trees are…well, brown. The yucky shade at that. Let’s face it, those suckers are pretty dried up and crumpled, too. Except for the ones that are all moth-eaten and Swiss cheese hole-y.


It’s also typically pre snow-globe beautiful, on the whole. Yep, it’s too early for that. November’s usually not chock-full of those picturesque bright-sun yet snow-blanketed trees glistening in flocked awesomeness landscapes days. You know, the sort of stuff that inspired Currier, Ives, and what not.

Rather, it served as the impetus behind the Guns N’ Roses rock anthem “November Rain.” Surely you recall the uplifting 1991 video?

Lead singer Axl Rose marries gorge super model Stephanie Seymour … who promptly expires. He spends the rest of his days standing in the cold November rain, ostensibly trying to join his beloved by catching pneumonia?

Ah yes. It’s a cheerful little commentary on November.


Certainly it’s no friend to turkeys. #Thanksgiving

Except for that one lucky Tom who gets a presidential pardon every year, the wobbling gobblers are basically the walking dead.

Frankly, with the current state of things in old D.C., even that one White House waddler might not necessarily be a shoe-in for making it to Christmas vertically this year, capisce?


Either way … November DOES have some highlights. Naturally there’s Veterans Day on the 11th.

And if I’ve said this once, I’ve said it 45 bazillion times; we should be grateful to U.S. veterans every second of every minute of every day that we are alive, well, and safe in these United States. Yes, united. In a thread in some spots, but still.

According to “National Day Calendar,” here are more reasons for November love:

November 4: Candy Day, Healthy Eating Day, Military Families Recognition Day. Wait, since when is candy a health food? Eh, let’s go with it.

November 5: Doughnut Day. ‘Nuff said.

November 10: U.S. Marine Corps Birthday, Sesame Street Day, Young Readers Day, Forget-Me-Not Day, Vanilla Cupcake Day. Whew!

November 14: Spicy Guacamole Day, Pickle Day. Um, I suppose if you’re expecting, this might be a super awesome combo day?

November 15: I Love to Write Day, National Philanthropy Day, America Recycles Day, National Clean Out Your Fridge Day. Had to include this because of the first one. Hey, that last one should clearly come AFTER Thanksgiving, no?

November 21: National Adoption Day, World Hello Day, Family Volunteer Day, International Games Day. Love, love lovin’ these!

November 25: National Parfait Day, What Do You Love About America Day. Man is 2020 begging for us to celebrate both of this, you dig?

Overall, November’s pretty popular for coming in next-to-last, don’t cha think?


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