Join the boycott against the despicable H-word
It’s the ugliest word in the English language.
I realize that’s a fairly bold statement — especially from a self-proclaimed words girl.
But let’s face it, there’s hardly a more offensive, explosive, dangerous and destructive word than “hate.”
Sure, there are a gazillion other awful, unacceptable, absolutely despicable words out there.
Shoot, I could create an entire dictionary of idioms, phrases, expressions and plain old nasty names that should never be uttered by any human. Anywhere. Ever. Or any other intelligent life forms, either.
I must admit, the way some of the earth dwellers have been speaking to and treating one another lately, I have to question whether or not we even deserve our spot at the top of the food chain these days? I digress.
Back to the business of that repugnant word.
You know what I really hate, er, abhor about it the most? The fact that we all say it. Oh, yes you do. Stop it.
We don’t hurl it around maliciously, at least not most of us. But it slips out occasionally, doesn’t it? It does, too — come on, now.
I ha — um, I mean, I really, really don’t like it when that happens.
But it does, more often than we care to admit, right? Consider Exhibits A-D:
“I hate my hair…” or “Ugh, I hate the shape of my nose.” These two quotes may or may not be autobiographical in content.
“I hate people who drive slow in the passing lane!” Really? This is the platform on which you’re basing your ire? Someone going the speed limit? Perspective, people.
“I hate ‘Shark Week,'” OK, I could potentially get on (nonsurf) board with that one. I just don’t get the allure of taunting a man eater.
“I hate the New England Patriots.” Literally biting my tongue here. I ain’t a fan, yo.
So, you see, we’re all offenders.
For my part, I’m retraining my brain to delete it from all file folders. Check these:
I “oppose” acknowledging that summer is effectively kaput. I blinked and my favorite season vanished faster than a can of Lysol spray at Walmart. And yet, despite this, 2020 is somehow lasting an entire flipping decade. How is this even possible???? I hat… uh, really “dislike” this year.
I “detest” the Alexa commercial with the opera lady singing and the guy that busts in all sweaty and gross, on the chaise lounge to create a music library. It triggers me. It just does.
I have a “distaste” for politicians. All of ’em. Everywhere. All parties. Both lanes. Yep the Tories AND the Whigs equally bug the bejeepers outta me.
I “loathe” the VMAs and frankly, video music channels in general these days. If video killed the radio star, social media massacred the video star, capisce? Hmpf. And why do they suddenly have to be simulcast on 87 channels?
The VMAs — meh. I don’t know most of the performers. The ones I do know and root for NEVER win. #IAmAncient
At the risk violating my own rule, I am willing to sling the H-word in exceptions, such as COVID-19. Cancer. Injustice. Cruelty. Intolerance. Abuse. Hate.
So I’m asking you to join me in boycotting the H-word. If you agree, you won’t try to rip my toenails off when I reveal who I truly wish could be our next president: Phoebe Buffay from “Friends.” What? Can you imagine anyone else getting Putin to sing along to “Smelly Cat”?
Kimerer is a columnist who hates complainers. Wink. File yours to her at www.patriciakim erer.com