×

Leave Han Solo — ahem, Harrison Ford — alone

My Sentiments Exactly

Well, it’s been another week of wacky here on planet Earth.

California beaches were opened for 47 seconds before rule-breakers cramming the sands — and each other at a social distance of about .5 mm — ruined it for everyone.

Nimrods.

Continuing controversy and drama surrounding the people involved in the “Tiger King” saga made “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” seem more like “The Brady Bunch.” I still have yet to watch the Netflix docuseries but can hardly hold out forever if we remain in quarantine. Desperate measures and all.

Then there’s kooky Kim Jong-Un, who suddenly disappeared into thin air. Perhaps he’s hiding out with that missing-since-1997 second husband of Carole Baskin (aka, one of the main “Tiger King” characters and yes, I used that word intentionally).

Yep, no one seems to know where the nutty North Korean dictator is these days, although his sister, Kim Yo-Jong doesn’t seem to mind his absence all that much, given that she seems poised to take over the country and all.

Yeah, Kim No. 9476 is currently holed up in that cushy Office 39, sipping champs, chomping caviar, and um, oh yeah, launching an exhaustive search to find that wayward bro of hers, yo.

Hmm.

And other than the pandemic-related scariness about the virus itself, its impact on the economy, and its endless wreaking of havoc with human head of hair from here to the Himalayas, this was the story that set me off: “Harrison Ford Under FAA Investigation.”

Wait, what?

Do you mean to tell me that the apocalypse is practically upon us? That at a time when compassion is more valuable than platinum, in an age when all we want is health, hugs and a haircut, some brainiac at the FAA picks NOW to take a shot at Indiana Jones?

Are you flipping kidding me?

Didn’t Harry suffer enough as Han Solo when his own kid (son Ben, whose mom is Princess Leia) sliced him to smithereens in “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”? Stupid Kylo Ren.

Dude, did you not see “Air Force One?” Get off his plane! And his case, too.

OK, fine, he made a mistake. OK, fine, it was a biggie.

According to the Associated Press, he was piloting a small plane at the Hawthorne Airport in LA last week when he sorta, accidentally, kinda, crossed the runway too soon.

OK, fine, he misheard the air traffic control operator’s STOP as a GO. But he immediately apologized and no one was ever in any danger, a’ight?

OK, fine, it wasn’t his first offense. Apparently he flew a little too low over one airport a few years ago before landing at a nearby one. Yeah, yeah, over another plane. But again, it wasn’t that big of a deal!

OK, fine, he got hurt badly in 2015 when his WWII-era plane crash-landed on a golf course, but that one wasn’t his fault! It was mechanical error, like when the Millennium Force doesn’t go inter hyper-speed when it’s supposed to. Sheesh!

Anyway, I suppose some could be of the mind that the 77-year-old should just stick to being a passenger. It’s not like he can’t afford first class and all.

Either way, stop picking on Han Solo, FAA — or maybe his Jedi in-laws might just go all destroying the Death Star on you, capisce?

— Kimerer is a cooped-up columnist who’s getting pandemic punchy, although her love for Harrison Ford transcends quarantine and even The Force. Check out her intergalactic blog at www.patriciakimerer.com.

NEWSLETTER

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
     

COMMENTS