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‘Twas the night before Black Friday, and I’m staying home

I’m breaking with tradition a little … and rushing the seasonal theme a tad, I know! But I thought I’d take a humorous angle on Turkey Day ala Clement Moore’s, “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” Don’t worry, you’ll still get saddled with that one next month, too. I digress.

‘Twas the Sunday before Thanksgiving

When everyone in the fam

Was all stocked up groceries

Everything except SPAM.

Not the kind in your inbox

But the kind in the can;

The faux meat that smells suspect

With the consistency of jam.

Either way, we all readied

To make dishes galore,

From the turkey and stuffing

To the smashed yams and more.

For it was almost Thanksgiving

That glutenous day

When stuff a big gobbler

And ourselves … all the way.

And it’s true some of us

Even exceed our max

As we load up on ‘harvest’

Beginning with snacks.

And once we’ve burned through

All the dressings and sides

It’s onto the main course:

A dead bird stripped of pride.

And of innards and forelegs

And wings, breasts and thighs

‘Til there’s nothing but a carcass

With a wishbone inside.

So, after we’ve feasted

And eaten our weight

In just about everything

Fried, cooked and baked …

There’s a group that retires

Before the TV

Whilst another one gathers

To report for KP.

Amidst football and dishes

And the random catnap

Friends, family and visitors

Engage in a chat.

Some take note of commercials

Flooding T-Day airwaves

Nearly all of them carefully

Paving the way

For quick roadmap out

Before sweeping or mopping;

To head to the mall

For some big Christmas shopping.

Yet ironically most

Of the companies repped

Take some really great lengths

To avoid the respect

That the main winter holiday

Certainly deserves:

It’s the one I call CHRISTMAS

And I’m going to be heard.

Though I see all the symbols

On clear, bright display

Like evergreens, bulbs and

A big guy in a sleigh.

I can’t help but notice

That folks are remiss

In acknowledging the

Main event is called Christmas.

Look, I love saluting Hanukkah,

Kwanza and all

Of the neat winter holidays

Thrilling folks big and small.

It’s just that I’d like

To be able to say

‘Merry Christmas!’ without

Argument, dispute or fray.

Either way by that point

An attendant or more

Invariably decides they

Should leave for the store.

Not the sort selling foodstuffs,

Which nobody needs!

But the type that encourages

Spending via stampede.

I shudder to think about

Going shopping next Thursday …

Or Friday or Saturday

Though I’d take a quick scurry

To a few local places

In support of hometowns.

But beyond that, I certainly

Won’t be hanging around

In a department store,

Shopping center or outlet place.

Instead I will sit and

Stare straight in the face

Of the loved ones whom

I am so grateful to see.

And spend time swapping stories

As we make memories …

That are far more important

Than finding some sale

On a tablet or purse

Or rare, overpriced ale.

As for me I will gladly

Forego all the cray …

And instead hug my

Peeps on this Thanksgiving Day.

Kimerer is a Vindy / Trib columnist who’s just grateful for all her blessings, especially the live broadcast of this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving parade…and her treasured fam. Check out her blog “One Grateful Girl” www.patriciakimerer .com

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