Kimerer takes a bubble bath; the media goes wild

Remember the movie “Arthur” starring Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli and the always scene-stealing actor extraordinaire, Sir John Gielgud?

That was a pretty funny flick. I was 11 when it was released, so I do recall having to wait to watch it until several years afterward when it finally made its way to broadcast TV in a heavily edited version.

Yes, wee ones, back in the 1980s when dinosaurs roamed freely about, it took many moons for a movie to transition from big to small screen. Like, longer than it takes to send a text on your Grandpa’s flip phone. Either way.

It’s a snappy, farcical comedy about a spoiled, drunk rich man (Moore) who falls in love with a heart-of-gold waitress (Minelli) even though he’s supposed to marry a snotty, stuffy heiress. Ergo “how the rich get richer” and what not.

Through all the silliness and hilarity, always at Arthur’s beck and call, is his faithful butler, Hobson (Gielgud) — and ever with a clever-witted chide. The latter is Arthur’s best, if only, friend in the world.

In repayment of his loyalty, Arthur makes Hobson perform menial, often degrading, tasks. These include dressing him and curing his hangovers. In a now iconic scene, which is abbreviated so as to keep this space G-rated, Arthur insists Hobson draw him a bubble bath, then sit beside him whilst he wrinkles. The dialogue goes:

Arthur: Do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to take a bath.

Hobson: I’ll alert the media.

Arthur: Do you want to run my bath for me?

Hobson: It’s what I live for.

Ya gotta love Hobson, and I do … but I hate a bath. Well, I used to, anyway. Or so I thought.

Growing up in a household of five people and equipped with only one bathroom that did NOT include a shower made me sorta, well, hate baths.

Not so much because I do hate baths as the concept of a shower sounded so much better, right? Bing-bang-boom, lickety-split, in and out. Lather up and go versus sit in a soapy soup.

Don’t get me started on how hard it was to get my head under that spicket for shampooing. I had no Hobson massaging my tresses, you dig?

You want to hear something even more hilarious than the “Arthur” scene with the mounted moose head? I never shower now. Ever.

Unless I’m in a hotel room, ’cause ewwwww otherwise, am I right? But I much prefer my bubble bath. Every. Single. Day.

Why? I think it’s soothing. I think it’s comforting. Most of all, it reminds me of some of the happiest days of my life.

Yep, “stuck” in the same room with my sister; huddled around the kitchen table every night (EVERY one) for a home-cooked meal; getting hand-me-downs, and being relegated to the “hump” seat on long car rides… these are some of my most-treasured memories, bar none. Prior to the arrival of one Kyle Kimerer, natch.

Looks like “Arthur” and I both learned a little something about what matters most in life. You don’t always like what you think you want. And you just might appreciated the things you once took for granted. #Grati tude

I wouldn’t trade in those times with my fam for anything. Not even a quadruple showerhead. I know it’s crazy, but it’s true. Wink to all my homies who get it.

— Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who once got caught between the moon and NYC. Forgive her bad jokes at www.patriciakimerer.com