You got your coffee in my morning cereal … Mmm!

I was at my sister’s the other day when she busts out Kranch sauce by Heinz. I was like, “What in the????” Come to find out it’s ketchup and ranch dressing mixed into one bottle. Guess they also make MayoMust and MayoCue. You get the gist.

It reminded me of that commercial for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from the early 1980s, judging by the bell-bottom jeans and Walkman technology.

You know the one. A man is walking down a city street munching on a candy bar, likely jamming to Culture Club on his Walkman. Simultaneously, a woman (equally enthralled by tunes emanating from her bulky portable cassette player with big, foamy headphones) approaches perpendicularly on a nearby street eating… peanut butter… from the jar… with her fingers.


Natch, they corner collide and she complains, “Hey, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!” while he whines, “You got peanut butter in my chocolate!” If I were him, I’d have worried more about the chick lapping up PB all cave girl style. Either way.

Naturally, they both try and fall in love with “two great tastes that taste great together” — and I think we’re supposed to assume with each other as well — as a wise shop owner hands them Reese’s PB Cups.

A 1970s version had a little boy sitting on apartment stairs and an old, sorta creepy-looking dude walks down them. He falls into the kid, and blah blah.

P.S. I would NOT be taking the Reese’s cup from the sketchy guy at the end of the commercial if I was that kid. #StrangerDanger Where the heck are his parents? I digress.

Bizarre TV spots aside, some genius originally put these two foodstuffs together; just like some other big brains married:

• Chicken and waffles — I wouldn’t have thought of it, but, it works.

• Apples and caramel — I like to think this may have occurred to me; seems obvi.

• Chocolate and Strawberries — To be fair, chocolate is half of most of the best mixtures on Earth. Very few things DON’T pair well there, just sayin’.

• Rum and cola — Mixology is a real but undervalued science.

• Salmon and cream cheese — Did not see this one coming but YUM!

• Pineapples on ham. Bravo! And then, both of them on top of pizza? Top notch.

Point is, I’m an idea guy. What, you never saw the 1982 comedy “Night Shift” starring Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton as NYC morgue attendants? HILARIOUS, BT Dubs.

Anyhoo, Keaton’s character, is a self-proclaimed “idea guy” who carries around a tape recorder to capture his mastermind moments such as suggesting that he and Winkler’s character run a brothel from the morgue. He explains how he’s full of smart suggestions. One of them is to feed mayonnaise to live tuna fish. You know, to skip a step. “Call Star-Kist,” he tells his recorder.

Maybe I inherited being an idea guy?

My two beloved late great aunts, Louise and Loretta, used to love to put their coffee (not milk) IN their cereal. My grami put vanilla ice cream in HER cup o’ Joe; clearly an inventor ahead of her day. How I miss them.

Putting some of my fave things flavors together might work. Why not make cantaloupe-flavored K-Cups or pretzels covered in orange fondant? And, why limit it to food?

How’s about a free hotel stay and a tranquilizer for moms leaving kids at college or an immediate liposuction procedure as part of your fettuccini alfredo dinner?

Or a nap for a sleep-deprived columnist?

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist with visions of water cracker plumbs dancing through her head. Send her weird combo ideas: www.patrici akimerer.com


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