Celebrate Presidents Day by supporting Dolly
Presidents Day — that perfect time to reflect on the amazing accomplishments achieved by the late, great U.S. Presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, among others.
It’s an ideal opportunity to venerate their courage, their integrity, their commitment to the development of this “new” country and their overall dedication to the human condition.
Indeed, many of us choose to honor their respective legacies by going skiing, embarking on marathon shopping sessions and, um, sleeping until the crack of noon on Monday.
Who can forget the way our Founding Fathers admirably loved swishing down the slopes, storming mercantile shops and lazily slumbering their days away as part of their individual herculean tasks of their day.
Yeah, we may have lost a little in the translation on the whole meaning of the Presidents Day holiday, yes?
Who am I to judge? I mean, I’d never try to cover up chopping down a cherry tree if I were the hatchet woman (which wouldn’t happen in a million, yo), ’cause PK don’t fib.
So I’m not going to deny occasionally ravaging a Presidents Day sale at Macy’s here or there, in the interest of full disclosure. Hee, hee … gulp.
However, to be clear, I NEVER ski or sleep in late. Seriously. Like, Honest Abe genuinely, ever — unfortunately on the latter, BT dubs, especially for my hubby. I digress.
Regardless, I’m clearly as guilty as the next American on this one.
Mi dispiace, gentlemen.
As I pondered how we eroded from what were once such stately sentiments to today’s total party pace, I couldn’t help but wonder: Did the slide occur because we don’t have as much, er, love for our leaders as of late?
I don’t think it’s any secret that over the course of the last SEVERAL presidential election cycles, a majority of voters were left scratching their heads, asking where all the great candidates have gone.
I, for one, haven’t liked an end-game contender since Hostess called King Dons Ding Dongs, which sort of reminds me of the top options I’ve had in the recent past, just sayin’.
Affter giving it much consideration, I’ve decided to begin campaigning for the one person I feel really deserves my vote in 2020: Dolly Parton.
Why Dolly? First, she’s completely transparent. There are no secrets, no buried backyard bodies. We already know all about her cosmetic surgeries, her wigs, her humble beginnings in Locust Ridge, Tenn.
In fact, it’s one of the things we love most about her. She is the embodiment of how hard work leads to the American dream. She came into the world dirt poor and now boasts a $550 million net worth. Only, Dolly doesn’t boast.
A true giver and lover of the people, she and Carl Dean have been married since 1966. And though they have no biological children, they helped raised her dozen younger siblings.
And talk about a mentor — I believe she’s the only reason her goddaughter Miley Cyrus has settled down and ended up with a Hemsworth. Just sayin’.
Reason No. 1? Here’s her life philosophy in a nutshell: “I ask God every day to lead me, guide me and direct me … As I get older, I’m even stronger in my faith.”
Enough said. Dolly 2020.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist selling Dolly bumper stickers at www.patricia kimerer.com