Holiday hangover depression during January
Hi. How’s it going? Sunday starting off OK, is it?
Good, good. I just want to ease into today’s effort with you all.
No pressure. No criticism. No judgment. OK, maybe a little pressure.
Because — and I’m approaching this in the meekest, most benign and empathetic manner I can muster — I can no longer refrain from comment.
It is January flipping 14th. The holidays are over. Done. Finito.
It is time to take down the Christmas decorations. Now. Like, as soon as you finish drinking your coffee and checking the Sports page, you dig?
It’s the middle of January, for heaven’s sake. It’s time to de-deck the halls and get Rudolph off the front porch. If, in February, there’s still a decorated tree but it’s in the forest and no one can see it, will it still bug me? Yes, yes it will.
Listen, no one loves Christmastime more than PK. I start watching movies and singing carols long before Thanksgiving and I keep the tree lit until the evening of the Epiphany. Every year.
However, IT. IS. OVER. Let it go, people. Come on. Hillary bounced back from the 2016 election quicker than this. OK, maybe not.
But still, we can’t get on with 2018 while Santa and his sleigh still stretch between your two biggest oak trees and that eerie elf continues to lurk in your bushes. #creepy
Look, I’m not telling you to brave the ice and cold to declutter the gutters of those 8,500 strands of multicolored lights. Heck, I’m not even saying you can’t keep certain items around all winter long.
What I AM saying is that there’s a fine line between being a snow lover and a Christmas extender. One loves everything about the coldest season of the year. The other is … well, how do I put this delicately, sorta stuck in time, yes?
There’s a gentle way to ease into Christmas withdrawal. For instance, here are some items you need not rush back into the attic:
• Pine-themed candles;
• Vanilla-scented soaps;
• White light strands;
• Items depicting cardinals, ice skaters, snowmen, evergreens or pine cones — so long as they don’t contain red and green accents.
Shoot, there are even weather-appropriate songs typically associated with Christmas that you can listen to guilt-free all winter. They include “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” “Sleigh Ride,” “Let it Snow,” and “Marshmallow World,” especially the version by Dean Martin. I love Dean Martin. I digress.
Contrarily, here are some things that are simply must go, yo:
• Any items adorned with Santa, elves or reindeer;
• Anything referencing the month of December or the happiest season of all / most wonderful time of the year;
• Anything draped in red and green or which randomly calls out “ho ho ho!” etc.;
• Nail polish, ties, sweaters, leggings or any other Christmas-themed clothing or accessories #notvogue;
• The tree. If you can’t bear to part with it, at least stop lighting it every night, sheesh.
I mean, you don’t see the Menorah lamp blazing after Hanukkah, now do ya?
OK, so just gently set down the paper, head to the family room and start taking all those lovely ornaments off that beautiful tree. Especially if it’s real, for the love of Pete.
It’s time — and probably kindling by now.
The only shouts of “Ho Ho Ho” we should be hearing are those in the old Green Giant commercials on YouTube, capisce?
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who wants to help you through your Christmas conundrum. Check out her daily blog www.patriciakimerer.com for post-holiday encouragement and support.