Facebook — and mom — say brush, floss, repeat

Facebook. Hmm.

Rarely, in my opinion, has there been such a wonderful train wreck as the phenomenon known as the Facebook page.

Arguably the most famous social media site on the globe, Facebook is all at once an amazing connectivity tool and a virtually endless time-sucker.

It is marvelous for communicating thoughts, sharing photos and generally connecting or re-establishing contact with faraway family members or friends with whom you’ve lost touch over time.

It is also the source of a gargantuan amount of content that is based on flat-out idiocy and / or absolute absurdity.

It’s a “place” in cyberspace where you can voice concerns, opinions, political grievances, religious beliefs, sports loyalties, and favorite recipes … heck, favorite anything. And your least favorite, too.

Facebook has potential for great good. Exhibit A: Safety Check Status. This is an option you can select when a natural or man-made disaster (hurricane, active shooter, etc.) occurs in your general vicinity and you want your friends and family to know that you’re safe and well.

Facebook has potential for sheer, shameless immorality. Exhibit B: Last April’s live murder by an obviously insane and patently evil human being in Cleveland who took the life of an innocent passer-by.

It is equal parts unifier and divider.

Smiley sigh.

But one day last week, one of the millions of lists that gets posted to Facebook on any given day caught my eye. It’s called “Rules for My Son” and lists 40 suggestions for waltzing through this crazy roller coaster ride called life. Here’s an excerpt, in no particular order:

• Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

• There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs aren’t one.

• Request the late check-out.

• When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

• Don’t fill up on bread.

• Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.

• If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.

• You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.

• Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

• Sit in reverence of your creator, but remember He gave you free will. Do your work.

• Thank a veteran. And then make it up to him.

• Eat lunch with the new kid.

• After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

• Open doors for people.

• Give credit. Take the blame.

• Remember: Prayer is talking to God. Mediation is hearing from God. Get good at doing both.

• You are 100 percent responsible for your own life.

• Patience is a virtue, but slow feet don’t eat.

Not bad, Facebook, not bad at all. Natch, I decided to come up with a few of my own, as well.

• If it’s under four floors, take the stairs instead of the elevator.

• Ask your grandparents about life when they were your age … and listen to their answers.

• Life is a gift that keeps wrapping itself back up — tear into every single day!

• Unless it’s oppressively hot, put the windows down rather than flipping on the A/C while driving.

• Dogs make life better; make sure your family always includes at least one.

• An angry response gives the upper hand to your rival — don’t give it to him or her.

• Real men can cry once in a blue moon — and occasionally during its regular color, too.

• Floss. Every day … and not just your teeth, ya dig?

• Hard work doesn’t have any calories, carbs or saturated fat. Oh, it’s gluten-free, too.

• Don’t be afraid … but don’t be foolhardy either. Find the right mix of daring and prudent because nothing ever fell off a level head, capsice?

• The Big Guy gave you everything. Hit him up just to say thanks once in a while.

• Call your mother.

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who loves Facebook. Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who hates Facebook. Kimerer is conflicted, delve into why at www.patriciakimerer.com