A hearty hip hip and hurray!
For the arguably stupidest way
For folks decide
Whether winter will hide
Or stay put; yep, it is Groundhog Day.
The date on which big crowds converge
On a town of which no one had heard
Until long ago
Amidst ice, cold and snow
When folks started a tradition absurd.
Punxatawney has somehow seen fit
To make this day a national hit
By dressing in top hats
And creating a big splash
O'er a practice begun by a twit.
For who else in their own right mind
Would think it in any way kind
To terrify a groundhog
Warm and asleep in a log
And rouse him by making him blind?
With some big glaring lights and decrees
In spot cleared of most of its trees?
And replaced with port-a-pots
T-shirt stands and tchotchke shops
All because they want to see
If, when they lift him up very high
And regardless of clouds in the sky,
They see his shadow
And decide if it'll snow
For another six or eight weeks then I cry.
'Cause I know beyond any doubt
This futility's only a bout
With denial, I fear.
Winter's still just right here
No matter how much poor Phil is put out.
For, at least in our neck of the woods
We have learned that, for sure, no one should
Put away hats or boots
Or those Gortex snowsuits
Until Memorial Day in our 'hood.
In the Mahoning Valley we all have learned
That there's no chance of any sunburn
Or pleasant working outdoors
Such as beginning planting chores
'Til about June - when it's finally our turn
To bask in the warmth of the sun,
Dip in pools, picnic or have other fun
Anywhere other than inside.
Indeed, we take some great pride
In what we can accomplish and get done
In the shortest known season around.
For our summers slip in without a sound
And then leave the same way
After only a short stay
Before we know it, again snow's on the ground.
So, just skip the whole Punxy affair,
And let little Phil sleep, to be fair.
Just keep layering the flannel
And watching the Weather Channel
To learn when we can step out and breath fresh air!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who is clearly suffering from the winter blues. She apologizes to any Punxatawnians or groundhogs she may have offended. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.