Remember that one boy in high school who started ignoring you for no good reason?
I mean, you thought he liked you. It seemed to be going well and then, boom.
Out of nowhere, he leaves you stranding there, crying at the prom with no ride home because your curfew is too early, and he refuses to leave and then you have to call your sister who tells you what a bonehead you were for ever liking him in the first place because he was cocky and oops, flashback. Sorry.
Anyway, you remember him. Hmpf.
You also recall that victorious feeling you had when you finally empowered yourself with the validation that you simply didn't need him. So there.
And so it is, my friends, with summertime in the Mahoning Valley. We thought he liked us. We thought we'd been loyal through that long, awful winter and the cold, crappy spring.
We were a faithful girlfriend. We waited out the storms and even sat patiently by as he dallied with other regions, showering them with warmth and attention.
Well, no more, Miss Nice Guy for him. He's dumping us? I don't think so. We shun him first.
Summer with his bright sunshine and vacations and long days ... who needs him anyway?
Here are five good reasons we should kick summer to the curb right now:
5. Running or walking through cobwebs. This certainly doesn't happen during winter. How the heck are those dastardly thin threads suspending themselves in midair in the middle of the street like that, anyway? I?digress ...
4. Being bitten by mosquitoes. The likelihood of this occurring in the middle of January in downtown Warren is very, very slim, BTW. OK, fine, it happened to me once a long, long time ago, but still.
3. Profuse sweating. Listen, unless you're at an indoor spinning class or tackling Sean T's "Insanity" at the gym or in your basement, the probability that you're generating much perspiration on a cold day is nil. Yep, except for scenarios in which you are extending a marriage proposal or signing a 30-year home mortgage, you're going to be cucumber cool in the throes of the winter solstice.
2. Sunburn. I know that many of you are unfamiliar with this term here in the Valley because the appearance of that gaseous ball is so infrequent around these parts that it's usually a non-starter. But, in some places, folks have to slather on a specially-blended salve in order to pre-emptively avoid accidental over-exposure to, you know, the sun.
1. Um, snow fun. Skiing, snowman-building, snowboarding oh fine already. I hate all those things. You got me. It's not snow fun - winter's no fun.
There, are you happy now summer?
I take it back. I take it all back.
We're sorry - we need you. Please don't head south for the year just yet. We'll take whatever brief time we can spend with you, even some random week in November. Just please don't say it's over.
We promise that we'll be true to you though we know you'll eventually turn cold without warning. Indeed, as pathetic as it sounds, we'll keep on chasing after you even if it means having to find our own way home from the prom.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who is clearly ill-equipped to handle cool temperatures in the middle of August. Please send her sky miles for trips to Florida - or at least coupons for flannel PJs - at firstname.lastname@example.org.