Ah, August. It is such a bittersweet month, isn't it? I mean, by mid-August, we're all gripping onto the last bit of summer break like that little round sticky thing suctioned on to the top of a mason jar - it's going to take a crowbar to pop us up off that sucker, right?
Most of us go unwillingly, kicking and screaming into the next season. It isn't because we don't appreciate the beauty of autumn it's just that, parting with summer is, you know, sad. How else can you describe losing up to five minutes of sunlight a day? And it only gets darker from here, my friends.
Anyway, that leaves me quite grateful for anything and everything that lengthens my favorite season.
Enter the phenomenon known as the garage sale.
Listen, I can't even believe I'm uttering the phrase aloud (well, OK, typing it out, to be more accurate). Because as soon as my mother and husband read this sentence, I'm toast. We're going to be hosting our umpteenth garage sale.
They like them. Me? No, thanks anyway.
Look, people, it isn't that I don't enjoy certain aspects of the whole ritual. I mean, I love the trip down memory lane as we sift through the stuff which we've not laid eyes upon since 1999. I'm thrilled to happen upon my favorite baby outfit of Kyle's (the one I bought for his Christmas pictures in 2000 and which I would not sell for even a million dollars, btw!) ... or my high school letterman's jacket ... or the coveted trophy I won in the sixth grade at the speech contest.
Ooh, I also love perusing through Kerry's baby pictures and Mom's Mom's teacups. Again, items with which I could not possibly be separated. Are you starting to see the problem?
I'm even OK with the three days' worth of work required to prepare for the sale. You know, the cleaning, the sorting, the pricing, the positioning.
Here's the portion of the process which I truly cannot stand ... the haggling.
This is the rub: I do not enjoy the whole bartering banter and I'm here to tell you right now that I will flat out give something away before I will get into a bidding war. I know. This defeats the whole objective. Getting the picture now?
"I know you have this marked as a dollar, but will you take a quarter?" is a typical garage sale inquiry.
"You must be joking. That's worth much more than a dollar to begin with," my husband usually jumps in and states. Because he knows.
He knows that I won't even bat an eyelash before I smile and tell the person inquiring to simply take the Thomas the Tank Engine disc.
"Patty, you can't just let people walk up and take this stuff," he and Mom will invariably protest. But I'm in agreement with my buddy and Liberty native Nancy Hastings' take on it.
"If I haven't used it in six months, let alone four years, I ain't missing it. Just take it away and save me the trouble of tossing it in the trash," is her overall philosophy.
I say let's just have a garage giveaway and get back to savoring whatever sunlight's left in August!
P.S.: Quick shout out to my niece Kelly and brother-in-law Kevin: Happy birthday to you both with much love!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist and garage sale grump. Contact her with your best offer on a first-edition WKBN Radio coffee mug at firstname.lastname@example.org.