Here we are, April 1 and you know what that means. All over the country today, people are trading aphorisms.
What, did you expect me to tell you there's an elephant under the morning paper?
Yes, yes, I know it's April Fools' Day, but after you've had enough of guffawing at the trickery you never saw coming from your spouse, child, sibling or some other prankster in your life, check out these cool aphorisms.
Unfamiliar? These are short, direct phrases or sentences, often invoking a play on words, which cleverly point out some general truth. An example is Lord John Dahlberg-Acton's famous quip: "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Thought that one was particularly timely, with election season looming and all ... but I digress.
My sister Gina got the ball rolling with a few of her preferred selections.
"The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow." OK, Annie, I'm sure the sun will come out then as well.
"Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail." Kindness and some kibble, not to mention a good, old-fashioned tummy rub.
"If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all." True story. And if your hair even remotely resembles my crazy mane, you might like my own twist on this line, which is "God doesn't give you hair like this without a sense of humor to go along with it." No, seriously.
"Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs." Enough said. Buckle it every time, please and thanks, folks.
"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water." Or hot water. Or rough, murky or any kind of water, by the by.
"Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?" Right! I mean, what the heck happened to those people in the last 26 years, any way?
"No one ever says 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning." Are you with me on this one, fellow Tribe fans?
My friend Lynne Fiest of Southington tossed me a few that she likes so much, she keeps them hung in her office. Here's a sampling:
"Live each day as if it were your last, while never forgetting your faith." Hmm. That makes sense, since if it really is our last, heaven forbid, we don't want to find out that, you know, heaven's forbidden.
"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart." Aw! Just like you, Lynnie!
She closed with her favorite: "Remember everything happens for a reason ... Illness, injury, love, lost moments of greatness, and even sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul." Oh, so that's what all that cutting me off in traffic is about!
Perhaps the best offering came from my own Mom, who reminded me:
"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was." Amen, Ma.
You know, that woman is just never wrong. It's actually rather off-putting, to be perfectly honest.
Ah, well. Happy Aphorism Day, all!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Tell her all about how the early worm gets eaten at firstname.lastname@example.org.