ere we are at the final weekend in August.
It's just so very sad. How did we get here so darned fast? I swear it was even quicker than last year.
You know, there is this time phenomenon. I don't know its scientific moniker, but I call it the "Solstice Velocity Continuum."
It is an incidence by which time inexplicably slows or speeds in direct correspondence with the season at hand.
Take summer, for instance. Now, the number of days between Memorial Day and Labor Day in 2011 is 99. Yet, through the SVC, it feels like 14.
Conversely, remember how many days fell between New Years Day and Groundhog Day earlier this year? It was 31. However, in accordance with the SVC, it felt like 587.
It's kind of like factoring the heat index and humidity into the standing temperature - times 12,000.
Alright, already, you got me. I'm a little grouchy because of the reduced mercury lately. I know what that cooler air in the evenings truly means.
Soon, and very soon, BAM! Autumnal Equinox. In other words, here comes my mortal enemy: fall.
Oh sure, he'll try to win me over with his bright orange and gold hues, his burnt red leaves, the sweet smell of his apples and cinnamon and the cuteness of his cherub-like pumpkins.
But, no, no! I won't give into the enticement, for I know all too well whose evil bidding autumn does - and he's a Wintry Old Man.
Sure, when I was younger, I was completely enthralled with autumn. It was, during my youth, my very favorite season, truth be told.
Indeed, I remember well the times when I waited with baited breath for the foliage, football season, the first wearing of my new fall sweater. Ah, yes, back in the day, friends, autumn had me at "Hello."
Now, I just think of it as the same word without the "o" on the end.
Ugh. When did I turn into such a Heat Miser?
I have to admit that I no longer welcome the first snow of the year, nor the shorter days that commence with the yearly "falling back" or ending of Daylight Saving Time.
Hey, have you noticed that, under the SVC principle, there is an evil plan whereby between Thanksgiving evening and New Year's Day evening, every pound gained is doubled?
Oh, okay, okay, maybe it's all the holiday gorging and not some sinister master plan of Mother Earth.
Aw, heck, maybe it's like my pal, Trumbull County native Charleen Scott has repeatedly told me:
"It's not that time moves faster with age; it's just that, as we get older, we become more cognizant of its passage."
Sort of blows my whole SVC theory - but I know deep in my heart she's right.
And so, good people, I guess we have no choice but to find the beauty in every day, whether it occurs in winter, spring, summer or fall. As cliche as it sounds, every day really is a gift.
Like my wise older sister Gina always says, "That's why they call it the present, Pats."
Amen. Happy end-of-summer, all!
Kimerer is a winter-hater and Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.