Ah, Mother's Day. Clearly one of the finest and most important days of the year, right ladies?
And, while I certainly don't consider myself an authority on too terribly much, I do have a little insight on the job I've known and loved for the past 11 years, five months and two days.
Nothing matters to me more than being a good mother to my son Kyle - and a good wife to his Dad, Kerry, natch.
You know, I have this sweet little friend named Danielle Hopkinson. She's a Sandusky native who relocated to the Mahoning Valley to be with her wonderful hubby, Kevin, a Trumbull County boy. In fact, the happy couple will soon enjoy a baby shower in Warren in anticipation of their upcoming bundle of joy.
As part of my gift to Danielle, I thought I'd share a few maternal nuggets with her that I think might be useful for a new Mom.
First of all, there's the whole labor experience. My recommendation on that is this: don't sweat it. Sure, it's going to be like pulling your cheeks up over your forehead and somehow squishing them out of your ears while you stand on your head, but it will be fine.
For some reason, women love to tell other women who have yet to have babies how incredibly painful and difficult it is to -you know - have babies, just as they're about to actually, um, embark on the process of having a baby.
The truth about labor? It's intense and scary and kind of a little icky at certain points, but guess what? It's nothing you can't handle. Women have been having babies for millions of years and after it's all over? You get the greatest gift you've ever imagined - and it's more incredible than you ever thought it could be.
And here's something else I will advise you on, Danielle, don't take my advice - or anyone else's- except that of your OB /GYN, your pediatrician, and of course, the ladies who know more than anyone else, your Mom and Mother-in-Law.
Trust your own instincts; this wee one is yours and you know what's best for him or her. OK, OK, you can listen to Kevin once in a while, too.
Oh, and don't buy into the whole "avoid spoiling your infant" nonsense. People will tell you not to hold him or her too often. Poppycock. Infants were meant to be cuddled and coddled and treated with complete and utter adoration. And, by the way, they're only that small for a very short, precious time. Go for it; spoil at will.
I will kindly suggest that you refrain from making your house completely silent at your baby's nap and bed time, though. This tends to train little people to arise at even the slightest noises such as feathers landing on pillows or mimes performing their acts. Kind of makes for a lifetime light sleeper, I'm just sayin.'
Most of all, enjoy every second of babyhood, Danielle. It's a most magical, wonderful time and even though you're likely to have a day or two on which you think the crying, fussy infant period will last longer than the Hundred Years War (which actually ran for 116 years, FYI), rest assured that it will pass by in a blink.
And you will miss it. Terribly.
Check back with me from time to time, if you dare, for more Pattyisms that could potentially ruin your entire career as a Mom.
But do remember to savor this particular holiday. It's the most happy, extraordinary thing in the world to hear the little person you brought into the world wishing you a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you so much to my own Mom, who was, is and always will be, the most perfect example of selfless, loyal, unconditional maternal love. If I do half the job with Kyle you did with Gina, Dan and I, I'll be batting 1,000.
I love you, Mom! And God bless, Danielle!
Happy Mother's Day to all.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist.Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.