At the risk of giving the man any more publicity than he's already gotten, I really must weigh in on the whole Charlie Sheen debacle.
Can this really be the same kid who wowed us in "Platoon" and triumphantly assumed the title role in "Spin City" after beloved actor Michael J. Fox was forced to leave the show due to illness?
Not to sound harsh, but dude, what the "h" are you doing with your life?
Listen, none of us are flawless; least of all the person who pens this column. Humans err and only God is perfect. And truth be told, deep down in my heart, I know that only He has the right to judge Charlie or anybody else.
That being said, I think it's really important to use this situation as a teaching moment, especially to children.
In the wake of a seemingly never-ending list of celebrity deaths that includes A-listers such as Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith, and Michael Jackson (to name a scant few of the more recent names), it is almost incomprehensible that anyone on the planet could actually not realize that drug abuse kills people.
And, because you can't open a newspaper, turn on a television program, or surf the web without hearing the latest on the train wreck known as Charlie Sheen, I think it's fair, reasonable, and quite logical to use this situation as a platform to pound home the message of just saying no to drugs.
It's clear what folks in the Valley think of Charlie's shenanigans.
"He's a wing nut, plain and simple," said my friend Elizabeth Wharton of Hubbard.
Added my pal Jessica Bloss of Beloit, "It sounds cliche but it's the proverbial slow motion car crash that you can't take your eyes off."
Best buddy Christine Ruggieri of Warren agreed. "I want to look away. I want to change the channel but I can't. Every time you think it can't possibly get worse, it does. It's truly the most absurd, ridiculous circumstance. Who says and does these things?"
Someone who has so lost touch with reality that he just cannot tell where a television character's life stops and his starts.
It's almost like that episode of "Seinfeld" when George went off on a tirade against his boss on a Friday afternoon and then showed up for work the following Monday morning, hoping that everyone would think it was just a joke.
Guess what? George didn't get re-hired and you won't either, Charlie. And, just in case it's not obvious, George wasn't real.
But this fact is: if any of the rest of us trashed our bosses, insulted our clients, and pretty much offended every walk of life between here and Mars, we, too, wouldn't get our jobs back, much less a raise doubling our salaries.
And here's another sober, rational thought that Charlie likely won't get though I'll toss it out there anyway: using your house as a brothel and your toddler children as sitcom props will pretty much guarantee that you lose custody of them - and any others whom you've sired.
I know that the likelihood of Charlie reading my column is about as slim as "Two and a Half Men" resuming production tomorrow.
But the point is this; Charlie Sheen is a startling example of how drugs destroy lives. And if his satire of a life helps only one person from never, ever taking drugs than at least some good came of the media hype we've been enduring for the past several days.
And, despite his screaming from the rooftops what a winner he is, methinks it's clear to all that his impeccably bad choices have cost him everything that truly matters in life.
"Mom, that guy is totally going to wake up one day and realize how bad drugs screwed up his life," said my son Kyle.
If he's lucky enough to keep waking up at all.
Winner? Not even close.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.