Happy New Year. It is Dec. 30, isn't it?
Oh no, no, that's right, it's Jan. 30. Christmas and New Year's have been over for about a month now.
And yet, there are folks who have kept their Christmas trees and holiday lights burning bright more than four weeks after the last of the Egg Nog was gulped down and the final piece of pumpkin roll was unfurled.
People, people, people, what gives?
There is one particular home just up the block and down a smattering from my house that is entirely covered in Christmas lights. Every night I go by hoping they've been doused. Every night, the place looks like the finale of a Christmas-themed fireworks display.
Hmm No. 1.
I was driving through Niles the other night on the way home from a late afternoon meeting when I sort of got a little turned around. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I've got a seriously deficient sense of direction.
Legit. Even my British-accented GPS drops a "Really, Patty. Seriously?" in with her path-giving instructions every now and again. So, the other evening when she was chastising me for a premature left turn I looked up only to find - Santa and about four of his fearless reindeer trapped inside a humongous globe blowing faux snow.
Hmm No. 2.
For a split second I thought my poor capacity for route-going led me straight to the North Pole.
Then I realized that I was just witnessing what seems to be a growing trend - leaving up the holiday displays until, well, um, I'm not sure exactly.
My girlfriend Lynne Fiest of Southington thinks the end is near.
You see Lynne has quite a commute to her day job, as do I. And, in our collective travels, we feel we've seen Santa, Frosty, Rudolph and the entire Nativity scene no less than six times a day for the past three months. By her estimation, we've got about a week and a half of Christmas merriment left, on the whole.
Me? I'm less convinced.
"Oh, I'm sure we'll start to see big, blow-up hearts for Valentine's Day soon, followed by the super-sized shamrocks and leprechauns for St. Patrick's Day," she mused.
Now, I have no issue with this at all and, in fact, would love to see another holiday represented on the lawns of America right about now. It's just this holding onto the most recent Christmas past that kind of freaks me out.
It's like a bride refusing to take off her wedding gown six months after returning home from her Jamaican honeymoon, or a college graduate showing up for work in his cap and gown a year after commencement.
It just ain't right.
Special occasions are special for a reason - they don't come along every day, no matter how much we want them to linger indefinitely. Heck, I'd love to stop time myself and freeze Kyle at this age so that we have these wonderful childhood days with him forever - but the kid just keeps growing.
See how that works with the clock and all?
Oh, and by the way, unless you're the main window designer for Tiffany's and you're putting little diamond-studded heart necklaces on your "Valentine's Day" evergreen, I'm not buying the whole "It's not just for Christmas, this is a seasonal tree" thing, either. You're just in denial.
It's OK, I understand because of the dreary weather and all, so I'll let it slide for a few more days.
But if I see your tree still up and lit by Memorial Day, I'm warning you now that I'm calling Dr. Phil.
Happy seasonal-appropriate decorating, everyone!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at email@example.com.