Have you ever spent far more time avoiding a chore than it would have taken to just do it in the first place?
Nah. Me either.
When it's time to get a thing done, I just do it. Jump right in. No wasting time.
Take this week's column. It's due. Just yesterday. And I'm going to write it. Soon.
You know, while we're talking about it, I just saw an article about time management skills. The experts say that we as Americans don't have any.
Why are these studies always picking on Americans? I'm sure the British can waste time just as well as we can. And what about the French? Or the Dutch?
Now there's a curiosity. When Grandpa had another fight with Grandma and hid out at our house to waste a couple hours while she cooled down, he'd just explain, ''I'm in Dutch again.'' As a kid, I wondered where ''Dutch'' was. It hadn't come up in geography class.
Give me a moment and I'll look this up ...
OK, here it is: ''In Dutch'' means ''in disfavor or trouble.'' ''Go Dutch'' means ''to pay one's own expenses on a date.'' And ''Dutch'' means a person from the Netherlands.
And then there are the Pennsylvania Dutch who trace their roots back to Germany and Switzerland.
All those variations for the same word sound similar to one of those word games where if you have polish, you can shine up your furniture, but if you are Polish, not only is it pronounced differently, you might need a passport.
By the way, words that change meanings depending on how they're pronounced - such as minute, which either is a measure of time or something really teeny tiny - are called heteronyms. There's an odd fact to know and tell.
But I can't take time to talk about those now. I have a column to write.
Oh, did I tell you about the time I went to the library to look up books on time management? I'm sure they have some. I never got around to checking. You see, I decided to peek at the books on writing first. The shelf contained such titles as ''10 Steps to Writing Research Papers,'' ''2008 Poet's Market'' and ''Thinking Like Your Editor.''
Think like my editor? Hoo boy! I defy anyone to figure out my editor's weirdo thought processes! Let me tell you about some of the lunacy I've witnessed:
(Editor's note: Several paragraphs that went here have been deleted because Cole obviously does not know what he's talking about.)
That's crazy stuff, isn't it?
But as I was saying, while glancing at the writing books, I realized that fishing books are on the next shelf. Just inches away from thinking like my editor are titles like ''Fishing Tips for Freshwater,'' ''The Art and Science of Fishing'' and ''Chicken Soup for the Fisherman's Soul.''
The fishing must have been pretty poor. Instead of smoked trout, pan-fried largemouth bass or cheesy walleye casserole, that fisherman got stuck with chicken soup. That'll drown your can of worms.
I suppose the chicken could be tuna. You know, Chicken of the Sea. But then, the book would be called ''Chicken of the Sea for the Fisherman's Soul.''
Anyway, as I was saying, my column is due and I need to get cracking. Hip-hip, chop-chop and all that stuff. As we know, if a person procrastinates by meandering down a bunch of pointless sidetracks, he's only going to meet his train going instead of coming. Or something like that.
How does that phrase go? Let me think about that a moment... And then I really do need to get started on my column. Maybe tomorrow.
----- Don't delay. Manage time with Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org