Would you like to know two of the scariest words in all of Mom-dom? I'll give you a hint: Middle School.
Look, I'm not ready for Middle School. I mean, my 10-year-old seems to love it tremendously but me? Uh, not so much.
I swear it was just last month he graduated from Pre-School. How can I possibly be expected to send him off to pre-high school already? Oh brother, I hope he's not reading this. He won't like it.
Apparently, I've suddenly become the stupidest and most embarrassing woman on the planet. Just ask Kyle. I've gone from being the adored, needed Mum to the annoying, nagging albatross around his neck. This is just one small part of the joy of being the mother of a Middle Schooler.
Look, you might think I'm being silly in my protest. But, are you even aware of what they DO in Middle School?
OK, first of all, there's the bus situation. Did you know that they let 10-year-olds ride on the same vehicle as TEENAGERS? That's right, 50-pound peewees with boys who adjust themselves, like girls and need to shave by third period.
Oh, yeah, that's right. In Middle School, the students actually switch classes, use lockers, take showers and go on trips OUTSIDE the school without their Mommies.
Can you imagine?
OK, so I'm a little, teeny, tiny bit overprotective. Just a hair.
Like, for instance, take the "adventure" known as Manhunt. Unfamiliar? Ah, let me explain the pastime. This is a sporting little game of hide and seek played outside - in the dark - across streets in neighborhoods where there are, you know, people driving cars.
Now, my friends and family members who have children (mostly boys, by the by) have no problem letting their children partake in this evil little activity. But not I, friends.
When Kyle went out with all the boys in my sister's neighborhood to play Manhunt last week, I nearly went into anaphylactic shock. I was completely opposed and here's the really nutty part - none of the other adults saw my point.
As a matter of fact, they were acting like I was the ridiculous one!
I don't know, they were sort of screaming something at me about not letting Kyle be a kid or some such preposterous charge. I'm not sure exactly what they were saying because it's sort of hard to hear chatter when you're busy fitting your child for a bubble suit that is fully lighted and armed with ear-piercing alarms and safety sensors that automatically dial 9-1-1 if anything that moves comes within 50 feet of them.
What? Too much?
Well, they may have a point. I mean, I sort of got the hint that perhaps I was a little too vulture-like at a recent competitive soccer game of Kyle's. I sensed that the other parents found me to be irrational when I called the National Guard for assistance after another boy slung an elbow in Kyle's face and knocked him to the ground.
Again - is this an inappropriate Mom reaction?
Oh, maybe they're right. Maybe I need to back off just a touch. But, how, people - I ask you? The world is such a scary, crazy, dangerous place. How on earth are we Moms supposed to let our guard down for even a second? You just can't be too careful with the most important people on the planet, you know what I mean?
It's like my friend Joanna Dascenzo, originally of Howland, likes to say about our kids' childhood and adolescence, "They'll survive it with no problem at all - it's us I'm not so sure about"
Wish me luck, folks; I'll need that and a whole lot more to make it through Middle School. And heck, I cannot even imagine what I'll do when Kyle reaches the age at which he can legally acquire a driver's permit.
If there's any justice whatsoever, my petition to raise the driving age to 37 will have been passed into law by then.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.