There was a television show in the 1940s - and then a similar one the 1990s - about the funny things kids say.
We all know it's true; children do say really funny stuff.
Funny, inappropriate, ridiculous, outrageous, and sometimes, quite prolific.
For instance, the son of my close friend Joanna Dascenzo, originally of Hubbard, is full of brilliant insight. He's nine.
Just the other day, he cast one of his pearls.
After having explained to his mother that he needed a two liter plastic bottle for a school project, Joanna assured him that she would buy some soda later that evening.
"Well, I think we should go to the store now," he protested. When she asked why he was so concerned about what time they arrived at the grocery store, she learned his logic.
"Mom, I am NOT going to be able to drink two whole liters or root beer in like, two hours!" he argued.
True enough. But, even though she tried for a solid half-hour, Joanna still could not make him understand that she was NEVER going to sanction a night of soda swilling - regardless of the time at which the bubbly was purchased.
Then there's my niece Kelly, who is now 15 but was about three when her mother (my sister Gina) was trying to explain the concept of a week.
"We're leaving for vacation on Thursday," said my sis.
"When's Thursday?" quizzed Kel.
"Not tomorrow, but the next day," said Gina on a Tuesday.
"What do you mean, Mommy? Tomorrow IS the next day!" said an exasperated toddler.
And right she was.
Not unlike some of the other wee ones who are credited with the following quotes, which I found through random Internet searching:
"H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water."
- Joey, age 7.
"A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot."
- Lisa, age 9.
"The general direction of the Alps is straight up."
- McKenzie, age 9.
"A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator."
- Matthew, age 11.
"Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris."
- Marissa, age 8.
"The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums."
- Leroy, age 6.
"The spinal cord is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom."
- Luke, age 8.
"We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk."
- Anthony, age 9.
"One of the main causes of dust is janitors."
- Johnny, age 5.
"A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities."
- Rory, age 11.
"One by-product of raising cattle is calves."
- Maddie, age 7.
"To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat."
- Paul, age 11.
"The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar."
- Jake, age 4.
"Why can't Jesus be president? He doesn't lie and He knows everything!"
- Melissa, age 7.
And just as I was pondering the miraculous recovery of my misplaced rosary beads that had been run over by a car and remained intact, my 10-year-old son Kyle gave me the absolute topper.
"Mom, why are you so surprised that your rosary didn't break just because a car ran over it? That just means Jesus really, really likes you," he said succinctly.
Yep, kids truly DO say the darndest things. As in, darn right.
Thanks for the reminder, Kyle - and all the rest of you prodigies!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.