I don't know about you, but for me, the Winter Blues have really taken hold by this point.
Anyway, just in the nick of time to brighten my seasonal gloom, my pal Lynne Fiest of Southington sent me "Random Thoughts for the Day."
I like to think of them as a little ray of sunshine cutting through the cold, gray wintertime. They include:
1. "I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die."
Oh my, perhaps it might be easier to just clear it daily, friends.
2. "Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong."
Ah, well, it's surely not the sunniest of instances but it does happen to even the best of us occasionally.
3. "I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger."
Amen. Yet, youth, by its very nature, precludes the clarity for us to find the beauty in sleep until we're old and ugly.
4. "There is great need for a sarcasm font."
Or at least an irony italics feature.
5. "How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?"
Indeed. And why are they always just a corner short of actually, you know, fitting?
6. "Was learning cursive really necessary?"
Particularly for physicians, it seems moot.
7. "MapQuest really needs to start their directions on No. 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood."
As someone who suffers from a directional detriment, I disagree. In fact, if someone could come up with "GPS for Dummies" I'd be eternally grateful.
8. "I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired."
Or a little exhausted. This is an all or none scenario, to be sure.
9. "Bad decisions make good stories."
Sad, but sometimes true.
10. "You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day."
I think it tends to coincide with that particular minute in which your blood sugar dips below sea level.
11. "I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of a Word document and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page research paper that I swear I did not edit."
True that. And what about that scary warning that refers to the changes of the "Normal Template?" I'm positive I didn't intentionally do that, either.
12. "'Do not machine wash or tumble dry,' means I will never wash this - ever."
13. "I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice-mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?"
Yeah, what's up with that?
14. "I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call."
There, there. Now who on earth would do that?
15. "I think the freezer deserves a light as well."
In fact, it should have double the wattage or maybe even some sort of Superman x-ray vision function so I can actually tell what's lurking inside the aluminum foil.
"We should limit politicians to two terms: One in office and one in prison."
I'm not touching that one.
"Nothing instills confidence in a piece of workout equipment like the 'Patent Pending' sticker."
Terrific. It ought to be crumbling right on top of me at any time now.
Cheer up, folks, that groundhog in Pennsylvania's bound to announce six more weeks of winter bright and early on Tuesday.
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.