I don't think it's an unknown fact that I am one of the guys. Beside the fact that I work in the sports field, I have always got along with the male gender just as much as the female. Just ask any football player who went to Champion from 1996 to 1999.
Being a "dude" as my friend Keith likes to call me, I find myself to be highly insightful when it comes to male thoughts and actions. I know why they don't call when they say they will, I get the whole "sports all the time" mind set. I even understand why they don't understand why women need five pairs of black heels.
But there are some things about the male mind I can't seem to comprehend. While the list contains things, such as wearing a black shirt with brown shoes, not smiling for photos, or thinking they can actually dance after some liquid courage, there is a great epidemic going on that I am baffled about. It is consuming the male species more and more each day. What is it? Golden Tee Golf.
For those people unfamiliar with Golden Tee, it is a video golf game that can be found at certain taverns and watering holes around the area. This game costs an arm and a leg to play (because you pay by every three holes or a lump sum for playing nine or 18), and I have been a witness to the male species dropping small fortunes into these games.
Now before I go any further, I would like to explain that there are two classifications of the Golden Tee golfer. There is the casual player, and this one I can understand. The casual player happens to be out for a night with some friends, and they decide to fill the time with a round of Golden Tee. This I can understand. That's why video games, pool tables and dart boards were invented.
But above the casual player, and into Dana-can't-understand-land, is the addicted Golden Tee player, or what I like to call, "Lunch Hour Golden Tee Guy."
I have been witness to, many times, grown men who come into a restaurant, don't get a table, don't even order a beverage and head straight to the Golden Tee. And then it's on. The mad rush of they only have an hour, get in as many holes as possible, while throwing down some food in the process. And usually the pros will order food that uses silverware, as to not get their hands messy. I've seen it perfected to a science.
The best is when you are at a place with one Golden Tee machine and two sets of Lunch Hour players. Then it gets interesting. I've yet to see a fight, but I'm waiting for the day.
Also, I'm not saying that doing something extra curricular can't be done during a lunch hour. People run errands, take power walks or even go hit real golf balls during their hour of break. But hightailing it to a bar to play a video golf game? Seriously?
Really, Golden Tee is just an extension of one of the biggest questions into a male psyche: Why do video games have the power to overtake their lives? While I have never been able to accurately sum up why games like "Tiger Woods," "Madden," or "Halo" succumb a man's life, my columnist cohort Josh gave me a theory yesterday that I can't disagree with.
"We play video games so we don't think. You don't want us to think. If we think, that's just bad, and that's how wars start."
That's why he gets paid the big bucks, folks.
When it comes down to it, there are some things about men and women that the opposite gender will never understand. But here's what I'm saying. Ladies, next time Mr. Man asks you why you spent half your paycheck on the shoes you just "had to have," remind him of how much he dropped in the Golden Tee machine last week. I guarantee, it will work every time.
Dana actually knows how to play Golden Tee but never did it on her lunch break. E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org