Being a last-minute kind of guy, here is my Christmas wish list for the year.

Here's hoping Santa Claus gets this in time.

And since it's better to give than receive - or so we're told - everything on my list is for someone else:

• BRAYLON EDWARDS: A double hand transplant. I just read about a guy from Europe who had this surgery, and he hasn't dropped a pass since.

And while Edwards is on the operating table, maybe the surgeons can do Cleveland Browns fans a huge favor and sew the outspoken wide receiver's mouth shut.

• LeBRON JAMES: A contract extension with the Cleveland Cavaliers and his first NBA championship.

Those can come in any order. In fact, if the title comes first, maybe James will realize he doesn't have to go to New York to really be the King of the NBA.

• KERRY WOOD: At least 56 appearances and 40 saves for the Cleveland Indians in 2009.

And one more thing ... an entire season without a single appearance on the disabled list.

• THE CLEVELAND BROWNS: Bill Cowher.

(Santa, see if you can put a rush on this delivery, before Jerry Jones puts him on the Dallas Cowboys' list.)

• BILL COWHER: See above.

• URBAN MEYER: If the last two presents aren't possible, can we get the Ashtabula native and Browns owner Randy Lerner together for a few minutes? Preferably on a day when Lerner has his checkbook with him.

(Santa, you might have to convince Tim Tebow to leave Florida early and then convince Meyer that Tebow is a once-in-a-generation player.)

• CHRIS "BEANIE" WELLS: Good health and a top-five spot in the NFL draft, where perhaps the Browns will grab him. Jamal Lewis isn't hitting the holes like he did a year ago.

(Now watch Lewis break loose against the Cincinnati Bengals today.)

• KEN DORSEY: Dan Marino's arm, even if it's just for the next couple of weeks. Mike McLain, our Browns beat writer, mentioned how painful it is to watch Dorsey, and he is correct.

Nothing against Dorsey. I'm sure he's a fine man. But I saw enough of him on the field during Ohio State's double-overtime victory against the Miami Hurricanes on Jan. 3, 2003.

As a quarterback, Dorsey will make a good coach someday.

What else is on at 1 p.m. today? Well, the Pittsburgh Steelers are playing the Tennessee Titans in a game that actually matters at the exact same time.

And then there is, ''Happy Gilmore.'' I already know how that ends, but lately the Browns' games have all had the same endings, too.

I'd rather watch Adam Sandler and Bob Barker trade punches than watch Dorsey throw 3-yard passes and Lewis repeatedly run for gains of a yard or two, followed by Dave Zastudil punting, or the occasional Phil Dawson field goal.

• SCOTT SHAFER: A new job for the former Michigan defensive coordinator, who resigned last week and on the way out of Ann Arbor, took the fall for the Wolverines' 3-9 record in Rich Rodriguez's first season.

''We just had a mutual decision,'' Shafer, a Painesville native, told the Detroit Free Press. ''We had different thoughts on the way we did things. I take full responsibility for the demise of where Michigan's football program is at this time.''

Yeah, right. It's all Shafer's fault.

• CLIFF LEE: Another season just like 2008, except in a year in which the rest of the Indians aren't either injured or underperforming, or both.

epuskas@tribtoday.com