Ladies and gentleman ... I would like to take this opportunity to announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America.
I promise to do all the things you want me to and I won't do those things that you would rather I not. I solemnly swear to uphold the laws set forth in the Constitution and all the little additions and changes that have been made along the way. I stand on the platform of pro-choice and pro-life. I believe in the right to bear arms and the banning of those same weapons. I believe in prayer in school as long as it isn't in school. And lastly, I promise to fix this economy without raising taxes, borrowing money, cutting funds or doing chores to pay off our debt. Medical care for everyone and medical care for no one! I will be the candidate that appeals to everyone.
All right, the truth is I can't run for President in four years - I'll only be 30. I suppose that won't be the only thing keeping me from the Oval Office, but who knows?
My faithful followers, you have to understand one thing about me. I don't talk politics. To some people it would seem as though I don't care about politics or this country. I avoid talking about topics such as those listed above because there is no answer. I, like everyone else, have my beliefs. I support certain issues and agree with some and disagree with others, but you won't hear me talk about it.
We have witnessed over the past two years, especially these last few months, how divided our nation can be due to our choice of leader. I've voted in just three elections at this point in my life, but none have compared to this one. Whether or not I supported Obama or McCain really doesn't matter now. Our country has elected Barack Obama as our new leader for the next four years. Voter turnout was off the charts, and the people of this country have spoken.
However, I want to say a few things about the election from MY standpoint.
First, I don't care what anyone says, I have a crush on Sarah Palin. She was easily the most attractive person to run for such a high office since Adlai Stevenson. I won't get into her clothes or her ability to field dress a moose or her preparedness for the job, I simply think she is a nice looking woman.
Second, I am starting to believe that the Mahoning Valley is the most important political area in the entire world. Maybe it is because this was my first presidential election as a member of the journalism community, but I have never heard of this much attention given to one place - ever. I was very impressed with the frequent flyer miles that Obama, McCain, the Clintons, and Biden racked up.
That leads me to my third observation. Mr. Biden, I have to say that I was late for work because of you. I was simply trying to get gas and a frozen drink mixed with three of the four flavors from a local gas station several weeks ago and you and your motorcade made it impossible to turn onto Market Street. I understand that you have things to do, but I have ones of readers who need me.
Lastly, I see a country that is divided on so many issues that I can't begin to list them. Less than 10 years ago, this country came together and was closer than I have ever seen it. Now, no one can agree on anything. We are fighting over labels of Conservative and Liberal, Democrat and Republican, and it needs to stop. We are all Americans whether we agree or not, and now is a time to come together and make this country great. We have elected a new leader who promises to make changes, and it is our job to hold him to that.
You can contact Joshua's campaign at firstname.lastname@example.org. Flesher/Sulonen 2008...