Gone, never forgotten

Families grapple with loss, life after loved ones die in war

By DARCIE LORENO / Tribune Chronicle
WARREN — It seems like yesterday that two soldiers in a white van greeted Robbie Carr’s family in their driveways last year.

Shock soon took over when they found out he’d died when his vehicle ran over a bomb where he was stationed in Iraq.

Although they still wait for the 22-year-old to show up at their doors, they also visit his grave.

And while it’s a hard trip, there’s one solace during the drive up state Route 305 that was lined with flags, signs and onlookers during his processional to Dugan Cemetery almost a year ago.

At a home right before the turn, is Robbie’s picture — clipped from a newspaper — still hanging in the window.

‘‘Every time I go by, it makes me feel good — like people won’t forget,’’ said his mom, Christine Wortman, of Champion.

Sgt. Robert Carr was the third soldier from Trumbull County to die in Iraq since the war began five years ago this month. He died in a firefight on March 13, 2007. There have been 14 soldier deaths so far this month and a total of 3,987 since the war began.

Robbie was number 3,458.

A Champion High School graduate, he enlisted after Sept. 11, 2001, and became a sergeant with the 1506th Infantry Battalion. He was on his second tour of duty in Iraq when he died, leaving behind his wife, Nina, parents and stepparents, three sisters, a brother and step- brothers and sisters.

On Thursday, his mom and her husband, Bill, spent the evening with friends she’s made at the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Newton Falls. They’ve been a support system for her since his death.

‘‘I have friends there who are 87 years old and yet when we talk about them and Robbie, they put them in the same category,’’ said Wortman.

Robbie’s dad, Jeff, and stepmother, Cathy, of Fowler, were surrounded by family. That included Robbie’s sisters, Rachel and Julie Carr, and Jen Brady, an Air Force staff sergeant stationed in Arizona, who were home for the week. Robbie’s brother Matthew, an Army staff sergeant stationed in New York, came home the previous weekend.

Thursday, the Carrs made a planter box to post at Robbie’s grave, decorated with green — his favorite color — for St. Patrick’s Day and an egg for Easter.

The year has been filled with a lot of firsts for the family, said Cathy, like new babies and holidays without him. The last time the family was together before his deployment was in Arizona for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Robbie was to bring the cranberries, which they haven’t been able to eat since his death. This year they grilled for Thanksgiving.

Their pastor still visits on a regular basis to help them talk through the pain.

‘‘You do a lot of remembering, a lot of talking, a lot of movies,’’ said Cathy. ‘‘You wonder what he’d be like today.’’

The family still follows the news from Iraq, but Jeff Carr is disappointed to see most stories pushed to the inside of newspapers.

‘‘We’d like to see it on the front page,’’ he said. ‘‘Seldom a day goes by that someone’s not killed.’’

Renee Daniels tries not to pay attention. She’s the mother of U.S. Army Sgt. Marco Miller, 36, who was killed Dec. 5, 2006, after a roadside mortar attack in Iraq.

‘‘I feel better if I don’t watch it that much,’’ said Daniels. ‘‘At times I do, and at times I don’t. Not as much as I used to.’’

She has found help from members of a support group made up of the parents of fallen soldiers. But she took it easy this past December, not wanting to bring up the memories.

‘‘It’s just too hard,’’ she said. ‘‘I really didn’t want to remember things too much.’’

Both she and Robbie’s family said community support is still strong even a year later. Plans are in the works to name the intersection of U.S. Route 422 and state Routes 82/5 after Miller. The area of state Routes 82/5 and Route 45 in Champion would be named for Robbie.

Cathy said they have a wall filled with plaques, pictures and a quilt given to them by different groups and individuals. They received a Christmas card from someone they didn’t know, an Ohio University student called them for a report on military families, and they still get random well wishes from strangers.

Wortman said her family room is filled with gifts and memorabilia. She was given two trees to plant in her backyard in his memory. With donations she was given, her husband put a cross near the trees, and she decorated them last week with yellow ribbons.

‘‘Every once and awhile out of the blue we’ll get a letter saying they think about us, thanking us for Robbie,’’ she said.

His sisters daily look for signs that he’s around, like the proliferation of the number 13 wherever they look. His cell phone is still active, and they call just to hear his voice.

‘‘You still have to be normal, you have to stay sane and move on,’’ Brady said. ‘‘It’s easy to be in denial about it.’’

But they make sure to remember him every day — his wishes to become an ultimate fighter, his sense of humor, his passion for the military. And his ultimate sacrifice.

‘‘You just have to believe in God that we’ll see him again,’’ said Jeff.



dloreno@tribune-chronicle.com