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Clanged by cow comparisons

May 12, 2013 His first mistake was thinking she’d take it as a compliment to be compared to a cow. ‘‘I meant that you’re loyal. Like cows,’’ he bleated. She was too bull-headed to grasp reason. more »»

One-track mind easily is derailed

May 5, 2013 The nerve. Only five minutes into my story, David glanced at his watch and muttered, ‘‘Another meandering stream through the fores. more »»

Don’t throw away those disposables

April 28, 2013 Editor’s note: Cole will return next week with a new Burt’s Eye View, until then, enjoy this Classic Cole. more »»

Unvited to wait on the C list

April 21, 2013 I waved the envelope at my buddy Jimmy. ‘‘Hey look, Brad finally found someone who will marry him.’’ Jimmy munched on an Oreo as we walked down the street. ‘‘Cool. more »»

Laughing all the way to skinny

April 14, 2013 Barely a shuffle remained in my shoes as I slogged up the hill. My legs ached, my chest burned, and I panted like an old plow horse mucking through mud. more »»

High tech takes tact to new low

April 7, 2013 I read an article the other day that claimed that with shrinking attention spans and growing electronic interruptions, we’ve turned into a culture of rude, inconsiderate, goof— Hold on a se. more »»

My Slinky slunk into slipped disk

March 31, 2013 We begin life built on the same blueprint as a Slinky. The younger the kid, the more pliable he is. more »»

A spring of discontent

March 24, 2013 I drove home in a whiteout. I wasn’t completely sure in which lane of the unlit, country road my car crept. more »»

Go ahead, have a cow, man

March 17, 2013 If my car breaks down one more time, I’m getting a cow. True, most frustrated motorists would choose a horse. Or a Harley-Davidson. more »»

Doorways, phones and fridges pull pranks

March 10, 2013 Have you ever walked into a room and but couldn’t remember why? You’re not becoming senile. The doorway did it. more »»

Stop the whining and call Grandma

March 3, 2013 Amusing myself the other day by setting fire to tissues off my feverish forehead, I thought about the wonderful system we guys use for gutting out the flu. We suffer heroically and stoically. more »»

Odd things collect in my car

February 24, 2013 Two empty egg cartons and a stainless steel tea kettle ride in the back seat of my car. The two-bulb table lamp sits up front. Don’t ask why. I wish I knew. Odd things collect in my car. more »»

Feeling the freedom of uncoolness

February 17, 2013 I studied the list of Grammy winners. ‘‘Who?’’ I skimmed a little further. more »»

Bugs and guns don’t mix in house

February 10, 2013 I sighted down the shiny black barrel and held my breath. I’d only get one shot. Gently, I squeezed the trigger. Shproing! Thwap! The praying mantis toppled off my desk lamp. more »»

Calendars mark February days from weird to wacky

February 3, 2013 If you've got a thing to do, the calendar has a day to do it on, providing you're perusing the correct calendar. It's why you may have showed up a bit underdressed on Friday, national Work Naked Da. more »»

Seems like only yesterday

January 27, 2013 I squinted at the message again through the other half of my bifocals. It had to be a typo. My high school graduating class is planning its 35th reunion already? I counted on my fingers. Not enough. more »»

I can write a column in my sleep

January 20, 2013 I checked the clock for the umpteenth time. If Terry didn’t get home soon, it could mean something horrible -- I’d have to pack my own lunch. Slowly, layer by layer, a memory poked up through the fog. more »»

Bat in the kitchen, cow in the house

January 13, 2013 My wife rises first in the morning, a system I endorse as long as she’s quiet about it. ‘‘There’s a bat in the kitchen!’’ She wasn’t being quiet. more »»

Caution: Distracted writer at, uh, work

January 6, 2013 Ha! I’ve finally outwitted the distractions. You’ll have my column in a minute. I’m writing from the library because I can’t get a thing done at the office or home. more »»

I’ll Google definition of ‘old’

December 30, 2012 I made it all the way through high school and college without Googling a thing. Think about that. Actually, I hate it when I stop to think. It’s unsettling. more »»

 
 
 

 

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