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Doorways, phones and fridges pull pranks

March 10, 2013 Have you ever walked into a room and but couldn’t remember why? You’re not becoming senile. The doorway did it. more »»

Stop the whining and call Grandma

March 3, 2013 Amusing myself the other day by setting fire to tissues off my feverish forehead, I thought about the wonderful system we guys use for gutting out the flu. We suffer heroically and stoically. more »»

Odd things collect in my car

February 24, 2013 Two empty egg cartons and a stainless steel tea kettle ride in the back seat of my car. The two-bulb table lamp sits up front. Don’t ask why. I wish I knew. Odd things collect in my car. more »»

Feeling the freedom of uncoolness

February 17, 2013 I studied the list of Grammy winners. ‘‘Who?’’ I skimmed a little further. more »»

Bugs and guns don’t mix in house

February 10, 2013 I sighted down the shiny black barrel and held my breath. I’d only get one shot. Gently, I squeezed the trigger. Shproing! Thwap! The praying mantis toppled off my desk lamp. more »»

Calendars mark February days from weird to wacky

February 3, 2013 If you've got a thing to do, the calendar has a day to do it on, providing you're perusing the correct calendar. It's why you may have showed up a bit underdressed on Friday, national Work Naked Da. more »»

Seems like only yesterday

January 27, 2013 I squinted at the message again through the other half of my bifocals. It had to be a typo. My high school graduating class is planning its 35th reunion already? I counted on my fingers. Not enough. more »»

I can write a column in my sleep

January 20, 2013 I checked the clock for the umpteenth time. If Terry didn’t get home soon, it could mean something horrible -- I’d have to pack my own lunch. Slowly, layer by layer, a memory poked up through the fog. more »»

Bat in the kitchen, cow in the house

January 13, 2013 My wife rises first in the morning, a system I endorse as long as she’s quiet about it. ‘‘There’s a bat in the kitchen!’’ She wasn’t being quiet. more »»

Caution: Distracted writer at, uh, work

January 6, 2013 Ha! I’ve finally outwitted the distractions. You’ll have my column in a minute. I’m writing from the library because I can’t get a thing done at the office or home. more »»

I’ll Google definition of ‘old’

December 30, 2012 I made it all the way through high school and college without Googling a thing. Think about that. Actually, I hate it when I stop to think. It’s unsettling. more »»

Diet a disaster? Chase it up a tree

December 23, 2012 EDITOR’S NOTE: Cole is on vacation (from what, we’re not sure), so we are regifting this Cole Classic that originally ran Dec. 26, 1999. Clip and save for the day after Christmas. more »»

Anything is possible if you don't know any better

December 16, 2012 Have you ever noticed that the less certain the facts, the louder the argument? This is because, as stated by a great philosopher — possibly Calvin, or maybe his stuffed tiger, Hobbes — ‘‘Anything i... more »»

Giving gift-giving some thought

December 9, 2012 Wandering past the printer, I noticed an invoice copy lying at the top of the tray. ‘‘I see that I’ve ordered your Christmas gifts, Honey. more »»

Druthers, drathers, ceptics and snickets

December 2, 2012 The debate reached its zenith, which is to say we couldn’t agree about what to watch on the old Zenith TV. She sighed. more »»

A jerk and his money are soon parted

November 25, 2012 I am a financial genius. It’s just that there’s been a distinct lack of opportunity to prove my point. It’s like the old adage: ‘‘All I ask is for a chance to prove money can’t buy you happiness. more »»

Does shirking shopping show wisdom or age?

November 18, 2012 If ‘‘Life Begins at 40,’’ as the book, movie and song titles claim, when does old age begin? When you quit shoppin. more »»

Getting fit to feast is easier than you think

November 11, 2012 No less authority than Winnie-the-Pooh said, ‘‘A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. more »»

We’re just too connected to be tracked down

November 4, 2012 We have become so connected that we’re nearly impossible to reach. Who can remember which number or account to call, text, message, zap or otherwise zing? It’s crazy. more »»

Ghoulish puns come a’haunting

October 28, 2012 That’s the last straw. Or Pixy Stix. I held out my pumpkin pail and begged. What did I get? Apples. Little tiddlywink things. Tidbits of apparent glue wrapped in orange and black. Two toothbrushes. more »»

 
 

 

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