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A bite out of the Tooth Fairy’s budget

September 1, 2013 My parents owe me a bunch of quarters. Or a better Tooth Fairy. Kids today collect an average $3.70 for every tooth tucked beneath their pillows, according to Visa’s Tooth Fairy personal finance ap. more »»

Who are you calling birdbrain?

August 25, 2013 Birds obey highway speed limits better than you do. That’s the latest from the world of scientific research, where the tales and tail feathers grow weirder and weirder all the time. more »»

Hamster tubes and flying cars

August 18, 2013 It’s a familiar rant: ‘‘Where are our flying cars? They promised us flying cars.’’ My buddy Guy launches into this one a couple times a month. more »»

Left is right on Tuesday

August 11, 2013 My brother Tim was born a southpaw. A teacher tried to fix him. ‘‘There is nothing wrong with my boy,’’ Mom said, trying to set the teacher right about left. more »»

Of twits, twerps and tweets

August 4, 2013 I’m a twit. Or is that a tweet? I warble of Twitter, the social media infliction that allows a person to tell the world in 140 characters or less what he’s eating for breakfast. I don’t know why. more »»

Food choices reveal quirks and quacks

July 28, 2013 Apparently, the quote should be, ‘‘You eat what you are.’’ Whole crops of surveys purport to reveal your traits, quirks and annoying habits by the flavors of food you choose. more »»

Never right, never bored

July 21, 2013 ‘‘It must get boring being right all the time,’’ my buddy Gus said. I offered a humble smile. ‘‘Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m right ALL the time.’’ ‘‘Not you, doofus. My wife. more »»

Pondering the imponderable

July 14, 2013 As I sat in my rocker pondering the other day, I had to wonder — how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? How come that guy who swam the deepest ocean and climbed the highest mountain to... more »»

If it’s fair week, it’s raining

July 7, 2013 This is the easiest week of the year to forecast the weather. Rain, of course. The Trumbull County Fair opens this wee. more »»

Oh, yeah! Let’s get this column started

June 30, 2013 Button up your power suits because I’m about to rock your world: ‘‘We’re going to give this meeting a start, yeah!’’ Did you just feel a shiver? A surge? A rush of persuasiveness? Nope, me either. more »»

Who took my ... oh, here it is

June 23, 2013 Thieves sneak into our house and swipe the oddest things. ‘‘Why would anyone steal my blue pen? I left it right here by my chair with my book. more »»

Everything bad is good again, and vice versa

June 16, 2013 Let me get this straight — now saturated fat is good for me? And I shouldn’t forget the cholesterol and salt? Nothing stirs up full-bore dumbfounding befuddlement like nutritional information. more »»

Night owls can head back to bed

June 9, 2013 Sorry I’m a couple minutes late, class... ‘‘Sixteen minutes, Mr. Cole.’’ OK, I’m a tad tardy, Todd, but the stupid alarm clock... ‘‘Let us guess, it didn’t go off again.’’ It went off, Jennifer. more »»

Avoiding chores is a challenge

June 2, 2013 I can’t fold fitted sheets. Flat sheets are fine. Flick ’em and keep folding them in halves until you have a nice, flat square that tucks nicely onto the sheet shelf. more »»

The burdens of being beautiful

May 26, 2013 The woman claims she quit her job because she’s too pretty to work. Tell me about it. Who among us doesn’t suffer from that same malady? Except for the part about quitting our jobs. more »»

Rounding up the cowboy wisdom for life

May 19, 2013 “Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.’’ ‘‘Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse. more »»

Clanged by cow comparisons

May 12, 2013 His first mistake was thinking she’d take it as a compliment to be compared to a cow. ‘‘I meant that you’re loyal. Like cows,’’ he bleated. She was too bull-headed to grasp reason. more »»

One-track mind easily is derailed

May 5, 2013 The nerve. Only five minutes into my story, David glanced at his watch and muttered, ‘‘Another meandering stream through the fores. more »»

Don’t throw away those disposables

April 28, 2013 Editor’s note: Cole will return next week with a new Burt’s Eye View, until then, enjoy this Classic Cole. more »»

Unvited to wait on the C list

April 21, 2013 I waved the envelope at my buddy Jimmy. ‘‘Hey look, Brad finally found someone who will marry him.’’ Jimmy munched on an Oreo as we walked down the street. ‘‘Cool. more »»

 
 
 

 

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