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Doing laundry in the kitchen

June 8, 2014 Our refrigerator is in the dining room. No really, it is. more »»

Color me gone from painting

June 1, 2014 ‘‘Guess what we’re going to do!’’ Sentences that begin like that, when uttered by an overly exuberant spouse, never end well. I tried to disappear into the cushions of my La-Z-Bo. more »»

Preparing for picnic success

May 25, 2014 I come from large, farm families, so we are heading into my favorite season of the year — picnic. more »»

Cowboy boots, thistles, love

May 18, 2014 She wore her pointy-toed cowboy boots to school, chased me down at recess and kicked me in the shins. “Isn’t that sweet,” Mom said when I limped home from school. “Robin likes you. more »»

E.T. can’t top weirdos of planet Earth

May 11, 2014 I’ve never been beamed aboard a UFO. Never once was I kidnapped by extraterrestrials. Nope. All my weird and bizarre experiences were inflicted by good old-fashioned Earthlings. Or so they clai. more »»

Quacked up over new pets

May 4, 2014 ‘‘We need some pets,’’ I told my wife the other day. We were cleaning a winter’s supply of fallen debris from beneath the front yard trees. She straightened with an armload of sticks. ‘‘Oh, good. more »»

Rainy day help washes away serenity

April 27, 2014 I started to slide the last cereal box into the cupboard, then hesitated. I was stymied. ‘‘Should I file Honey Nut Cheerios under ‘H’ or ‘C’?’’ My wife closed her eyes and sighed. more »»

Reader picks up gauntlet from Cole

April 20, 2014 A couple weeks ago, a reader challenged me to write a column tying together a shoe sale, a snake and a straw. So I did. Then I threw down the gauntlet for other readers. more »»

Punditry powers up the gray cells

April 13, 2014 It’s not my fault. It’s just that readers keep foisting puns upon me, and I hate to groan alone. more »»

Challenge by a snake, shoe and straw

April 6, 2014 A reader named Debbie threw down the gauntlet. ‘‘Watch it with the gauntlet,’’ I yelped. ‘‘You nearly smashed my toes.’’ Debbie jammed her hand back inside the iron-plated glove. more »»

I’m just too smart to remember

March 30, 2014 I don’t forget things because I’m old. I forget because I know too much. You young pups thought we old fogeys slipped a gear or three. Nope. more »»

The generation gap snaps back

March 23, 2014 I remember, man, growing up in a generation gap. We were the young, the brilliant and the enlightened. Yeah, dig it, baby. They were the old, the boring, the thick-headed. Major bummer, dud. more »»

Cheese it with name calling

March 16, 2014 The European Union is cheesed off about names, and I get it. My name’s been tromped underboard, to. more »»

My parents owe me a billion dollars

March 9, 2014 The great philosopher George Burns once said, ‘‘I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name’s not there, I eat breakfast.’’ I know what he means. more »»

Freebies and deals aren’t any bargain

March 2, 2014 ‘‘You’re addicted,’’ I groused, weaving between two bags of sweatshirts, a box of old shoes and a paper shredder missing the power cord. ‘‘But they were free,’’ she said. ‘‘You can’t pass up free. more »»

Really big shoes to fill

February 23, 2014 First Velveeta, and now this — a national clown shortage. According to the New York Daily News, clowns are dropping like shaving cream pies. more »»

You call this intelligence?

February 16, 2014 If government eavesdropping is as rampant as reported, how come the spies never get me out of trouble? If people are taking the time to monitor our private phone calls, they could at least slip us... more »»

Valentine’s Day is the silly season

February 9, 2014 To quote the great philosopher John Paul Young, ‘‘Love is in the air / Every sight and every sound.’’ If you don’t think so, turn on the TV. more »»

This voice is not very reasonable

February 2, 2014 I never knew that eating could be such a difficult thing to do. Eating the so-called ‘‘right way,’’ anyway. It’s my fault, I know. I sorta, kinda forgot to exercise for a day or two. more »»

Out of the loop, but still loopy

January 26, 2014 It was the classic good news-bad news situation. Our home phone line fizzled and died. But the company made a speedy repair, quickly reconnecting us to the world. The fix, of course, was the bad news. more »»

 
 
 

 

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