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Bat in the kitchen, cow in the house

January 13, 2013 My wife rises first in the morning, a system I endorse as long as she’s quiet about it. ‘‘There’s a bat in the kitchen!’’ She wasn’t being quiet. more »»

Caution: Distracted writer at, uh, work

January 6, 2013 Ha! I’ve finally outwitted the distractions. You’ll have my column in a minute. I’m writing from the library because I can’t get a thing done at the office or home. more »»

I’ll Google definition of ‘old’

December 30, 2012 I made it all the way through high school and college without Googling a thing. Think about that. Actually, I hate it when I stop to think. It’s unsettling. more »»

Diet a disaster? Chase it up a tree

December 23, 2012 EDITOR’S NOTE: Cole is on vacation (from what, we’re not sure), so we are regifting this Cole Classic that originally ran Dec. 26, 1999. Clip and save for the day after Christmas. more »»

Anything is possible if you don't know any better

December 16, 2012 Have you ever noticed that the less certain the facts, the louder the argument? This is because, as stated by a great philosopher — possibly Calvin, or maybe his stuffed tiger, Hobbes — ‘‘Anything i... more »»

Giving gift-giving some thought

December 9, 2012 Wandering past the printer, I noticed an invoice copy lying at the top of the tray. ‘‘I see that I’ve ordered your Christmas gifts, Honey. more »»

Druthers, drathers, ceptics and snickets

December 2, 2012 The debate reached its zenith, which is to say we couldn’t agree about what to watch on the old Zenith TV. She sighed. more »»

A jerk and his money are soon parted

November 25, 2012 I am a financial genius. It’s just that there’s been a distinct lack of opportunity to prove my point. It’s like the old adage: ‘‘All I ask is for a chance to prove money can’t buy you happiness. more »»

Does shirking shopping show wisdom or age?

November 18, 2012 If ‘‘Life Begins at 40,’’ as the book, movie and song titles claim, when does old age begin? When you quit shoppin. more »»

Getting fit to feast is easier than you think

November 11, 2012 No less authority than Winnie-the-Pooh said, ‘‘A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. more »»

We’re just too connected to be tracked down

November 4, 2012 We have become so connected that we’re nearly impossible to reach. Who can remember which number or account to call, text, message, zap or otherwise zing? It’s crazy. more »»

Ghoulish puns come a’haunting

October 28, 2012 That’s the last straw. Or Pixy Stix. I held out my pumpkin pail and begged. What did I get? Apples. Little tiddlywink things. Tidbits of apparent glue wrapped in orange and black. Two toothbrushes. more »»

Loose clothing causes obesity

October 21, 2012 I heard on the radio the other day that fashion guru Tim Gunn says the worst fashion faux pas men commit is wearing big, floppy clothing. This astounded me. more »»

Chocolate: Eat your way to greatness

October 14, 2012 The latest word on chocolate is the greater a country’s per capita consumption of the sweet stuff, the greater its haul of Nobel Prize winners. Well, duh. Chocolate supercharges brains to brilliance. more »»

Rakes wake up as leaves fall down

October 7, 2012 Hues of reds, browns, yellows and purples drape the trees. Leaves flutter from the branches, gently carpeting the ground. A crispness dances in the year. more »»

Pondering more of life’s imponderables

September 30, 2012 I was just wondering, would the speed of lightning be even speedier if it didn’t waste time zigzagging about the sky? And how do you go about greasing the stuff, anyway? Just wondering, where does... more »»

Talking? There’s an app for that

September 23, 2012 A wider viewing screen. Faster video streaming. Another row of icons and an expanded onscreen calendar. For a TELEPHONE! I miss the days of soup cans and strin. more »»

Details, details, details

September 16, 2012 My wife, Terry, is a details person. Most people reading an article they considered faulty would throw down the magazine and mutter. Terry calls the writer and compares her research with his. more »»

Hopping over to a frog’s life

September 9, 2012 It’s a frog’s life. I have no clue what I mean by that. All I know is that frogs keep hopping up wherever I turn. If you’re squeamish about frogs, you may want to leap clear of m. more »»

Geezers work out the bugs of technology

September 2, 2012 The misery started right after I pulled up to the gas pump. I had forgotten my debit card. ‘‘Take mine,’’ my wife said. more »»



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