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‘Permanent record’ and other scary stories

May 6, 2012 Editor’s Note: Cole suffered an unfortunate accident with Silly String. He should be untangled from the worst of it by next week. more »»

You can be your own best friend

April 29, 2012 So as I was telling myself the other day, talking to yourself isn’t weird. “You’re so right,” I answered. “Well, not too weird, anyway.” Oh, stop looking at me in that tone of voice. more »»

Be quiet to hear what women want

April 22, 2012 The single greatest mystery to ever confound man is this: What do women want? The answer is ... Actually, I haven’t a clue. The best I can do is loan you the quarter I flip. more »»

Crammed craniums leak memory

April 15, 2012 Right up until the moment she fell victim to the illness, my wife sounded intelligently businesslike on the phone: ‘‘Yes, you may tell him that he may return my call at 330-555 ... ’’ She stopped. more »»

Baseball, hope spring eternal

April 8, 2012 Ah, April, the sweetest time of year. Spring yawns and stretches. Birds — such as Orioles, Blue Jays and Cardinals — migrate nort. more »»

Lose weight by eating chocolate — I’m not fooling

April 1, 2012 Chocolate makes you thinner! Yes, I know today’s date is April 1, but I’m not fooling. This is as serious as Oreos with chocolate Stuf dunked in fudge. more »»

Geezer bands can crackle to fame

March 25, 2012 Great swoons of teenybopdom, boy bands are back. Well, bi-bi-bifocals, why should they have all the fun? I say it’s time for us geezers to get in on the act. more »»

Admit it, you’re a weirdo

March 18, 2012 The great philosopher Scott ‘‘Dilbert’’ Adams succinctly summed up the simple truth: ‘‘Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.’’ Truth sets you free. more »»

Man, do your legs look good

March 11, 2012 Look, I’m as secure in my manhood as the next guy, but I’m telling you right now, mantyhose aren’t happening. Yeah, mantyhose. Pantyhose for men. In designer fashions. more »»

Hey, caffeine fiends, it’s time to go wireless

March 4, 2012 How wired do we need to be? We twitch. We shimmy and shake. We chatter like a wagon full of squirrels rolling through a walnut factory. Guarded by Chihuahuas. Like the dogs, we’re high strung. more »»

Exercise your right to do less

February 26, 2012 We, as a nation, love exercise — as long as it’s not inconvenient, sweaty or, you know, hard work. That’s why we’ve made a booming business out of workout equipment that is, um ... more »»

Guys can commit to old wallets

February 19, 2012 Men don’t have commitment issues. Not when it comes to wallets, anyway. more »»

Find true success by goofing up

February 12, 2012 The kid shuddered at the shambles of panels, hinges and knobs strewn about the garage floor. “I guess we failed.” “Nope.” I dug a celebratory Oreo out of my pocket. more »»

Groggy minds are sheer genius

February 5, 2012 Sunny people chirp cheerily in the morning, bee-bopping about the office while singing out hearty “good mornings” like they mean it. more »»

Grumpy guys forget manners

January 29, 2012 Of all the genders of the human species, only one is rated most likely to develop “mild cognitive impairment’’ as it ages. Oh, wipe those smug looks off your faces, ladie. more »»

Summer Olympics shear farm fun

January 22, 2012 Sheep-shearing in the Olympic Games? Watermelons exploding like land mines? Cows snoozing on waterbeds to slumber their way to better milk production? The farm sure has changed since I lived down on... more »»

Self-clean clothes wash away sense

January 15, 2012 “WHAT do you think you’re doing?” I hate that sentence, especially when spoken — usually a little more vigorously than necessary — by my wife. more »»

You can’t go home again — please!

January 8, 2012 The great philosopher Bill Cosby once observed, “Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. more »»

Toasting New Year with cup of Coke

January 1, 2012 I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for the simple fact that I don’t believe in lying. But I do ponder. (For many ponderers, that’s a code word for ‘‘fret. more »»

Exercise, naps keep holidays in good shape

December 25, 2011 EDITOR’S NOTE: Cole was on vacation in Virginia Beach and refused to write a Christmas column without snow. Here is a Cole Classic first published Dec. more »»

 
 

 

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