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Hurry! Earth is doomed!

March 29, 2015 “There’s no time to lose,” I yelped as I tossed aside the newspaper and popped out of my easy chair. Terry yelped, too. I whirled to face her. “You saw it? Startling, isn’t it?” “Definitel. more »»

Look, up in the sky ... it’s a big kid!

March 22, 2015 I didn’t hear my wife come home until her voice cut me down in mid-flight: “What are you doing now?” “I, uh ... Research. more »»

Just a yard sale away from riches

March 15, 2015 I shop the wrong yard sales. We don’t have an attic. Otherwise, we’d be rich. Look at the evidenc. more »»

Punishing puns win wordplay titles

March 8, 2015 Oh, those nasty puns. You try scrubbing them out and soaking them out, and you can still come out ringed around by groans and hollers. * You can push the envelope, but it’ll still be stationery. more »»

Sausage gravy opens up a life of miracles

March 1, 2015 You bet I believe in miracles. The delectable contents of a tin can sealed the deal. more »»

Winter is a great way to work out

February 22, 2015 There’s no need to buy memberships in one of those big fancy expensive gyms to get a good winter workout. My wife and I exercise together, using whatever equipment is lying about the place. more »»

Scales just lie there, snickering

February 15, 2015 Bathroom scales are born liars. I mean, seriously, they just lie there on the floor, snickering. more »»

How do I love thee? Let me write the ways

February 8, 2015 Because I am a fully licensed professional writer, a veritable master of verbs, nouns and hyperbole, it is only reasonable that my wife receive a well-crafted love letter now and again. more »»

Not every dad has Powers

February 1, 2015 Today my dad celebrates his 82nd birthday, and I think it’s high time that he shared his greatest secret with me — Dad Powers. When I was kid, I couldn’t wait to grow into Dad Powers. more »»

Bulldozer is best friend for home repairs

January 25, 2015 I once heard a man claim he finished a home repair project on time and without a hitch. Later, I regretted laughing like a loon at a man so obviously suffering delusions. more »»

Get fit until the cows come home

January 18, 2015 Getting fit used to be easy. more »»

Bug bites whiny, er, sick writer

January 11, 2015 There will be no column today because I’m sick. It took me until October to do it, but I finally caught the summer cold that’s been flittering about the offic. more »»

Research is better than resolutions

January 4, 2015 I have yet to break a single New Year’s resolution. My formula for success is simple: I’m still researching which resolutions to make. I don’t believe in rushing into things. more »»

Clutter inspires genius and unhealthy eating

December 28, 2014 I heard it often as a kid: “Burton William, clean your room! It looks like a pigsty.” Back then, it sounded reasonable — at least to my parents. But science says cleaning the sty stifles creativity. more »»

Guys lose focus ... hey, a chicken!

December 21, 2014 Guys just don’t pay attention. Our wives questioned our focus for years. I think. I wasn’t really paying atten ... well, you know. Now a scientific study backs them up. It says .. more »»

Dream big but wear a helmet

December 14, 2014 Common advice is that if you’re going to dream, dream big. That’s not such a great plan when you’re a kid waiting for Christmas. Come to think of it, it’s not working out so well as an adult, eithe. more »»

Solve the mystery of shopping for spouses

December 7, 2014 “How can I get my husband to tell me what he wants for Christmas?” Yet another exasperated wife asked for my expertise, though I wasn’t clear if it was because I am a guy or because I resemble Santa... more »»

More chocolate needed to stop zombie hordes

November 30, 2014 The Zombie Apocalypse is coming. We’re in for the whole Kit-Kat and caboodle of walking deadness. Unless we get more chocolate. more »»

Cell phone springs prisoner from the potty

November 23, 2014 Even in this week of gratitude, I never thought it would come to this — I am thankful for cell phones. Crazy, I know. For years, I railed against the cell. more »»

Uncouth ‘forget’ good manners

November 16, 2014 I am uncouth. I prefer to call it pleasingly casual. I have no ideas what “couth” is, but I do know, after reviewing the rules of the growing trend of business etiquette boot camps, that I am not i. more »»

 
 
 

 

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