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Burton Cole

Opposites attract a blanketful of trouble

November 16, 2008

Cupid is sadistic. The little winged guy with the quiver of arrows and lack of diaper loves to match thermostat crankers with thermostat killers. Opposites attract, but always under the optimistically silly notion that they can reform the faults of the other person. Consider my friends Tom and Denise, perhaps the most drastic case of mismatched degrees I know. Here she comes, mummy-wrapped in layers of afghans, nudging the thermostat north with her frozen nose. That’s him a couple minutes later, strolling by in gym shorts, sweat dripping from his brow, as he knocks the numbers back down. Sure, they love each other. They’d just rather do so from separate climates. Similar dramas are playing out in households all across the chill zone as mismatched pairs try to survive each other. ‘‘What,’’ each person wonders, ‘‘attracted me to this wacko in first place?’’ It’s simple: Opposites attract. Or so the claim goes.

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Lost luggage or lost grandmas: At airports, it’s always something

November 9, 2008

Many people have lost their luggage at an airport. It’s common, even expected.

Losing your grandmother, however, isn’t.

It wasn’t that I lost Grandma, exactly. She was where she was supposed to be.

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A minute to spare: Time is a big, honkin’ relative thing

November 2, 2008

Time is relative. And nothing divides relatives like time.

I was thinking about this the other day while tapping my toes waiting for my wife to get ready to go out.

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Keys unlock parents’ power to slow down teen drivers

October 26, 2008

A new set of car keys promises parents that it will slow their lead-footed offspring to a mere 80 mph.

I remember when I was 17. Yep, 80 mph would be just about right for city driving.

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Dumping cereal bowls for a bride

October 19, 2008

By the time you read this, I will be married. Happily, I hope. If all that tortuous wedding planning’s over, we’re happy.

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Wise up with words of wisdom

October 12, 2008

Wisdom is a commodity that seems in short supply, particularly so during presidential election years.

Fortunately, I have no shortage of friends who send me tidbits of erudition.

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