Laundry day gets a little nuts
I don't see how Aunt Tillie could have blamed the squirrel-in-the-shorts fiasco on us. The critter burrowed into Uncle Elmer's freshly flapped boxers of its own accord, proving why squirrels are known as ''dumb animals.'' But it wasn't the squirrel that Aunt Tillie was calling names. Like I told you last week, I thought clotheslines had been outlawed on account of how they create too much excitement. As I recall, it was a late June afternoon and I was stuck with Ollie, my third cousin twice removed - but not removed far enough for my safety. We were running Tonka trucks through the mud holes we created by filling the ruts of the dirt driveway with buckets of water. Aunt Tillie was unclipping laundry from the clothesline when we heard the phone. Aunt Tillie's eyes flickered between the back door, the laundry basket and us boys. ''You muddy hooligans stay out of my clean clothes,'' she barked as she raced toward the insistent ringing.
» Full StoryOld memories hung out to dry
Terry surveyed the trees in the backyard and pondered, ‘‘Between which two trunks should we string a clothesline?’’
Clothesline? Didn’t those relics go the way of TV antennae, coal furnaces and kids playing outdoors without wires...
How many? How big? How dare you?
I was waiting in line when I heard the teller at the next window coo, ‘‘My, look at how big you’re getting!’’
To my relief, she wasn’t talking to me. At her window stood a mother and a beaming little boy.
Grumpy bear Burt growls over morning porridge
As part of my new, improved health regime, I am eating oatmeal every morning. With fresh fruit.
I used to eat Alpha-Bits, Honey Smacks and Reese’s Puffs for breakfast – at about 4 p.m., or possibly at 2 a.m. before going to be.
The nose knows it’s best to leave the fridge alone
A couple weeks ago, one of those overly helpful types made national headlines when she cleaned out the office refrigerator.
» Full StoryPicnics are best served without live chickens
In retrospect, the chickens probably were a bad idea.
It was somewhere around my eighth year of surviving in a world before seat belts, and I was visiting Ollie, a third cousin twice removed.
