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Bulldozer is best friend for home repairs

January 25, 2015 I once heard a man claim he finished a home repair project on time and without a hitch. Later, I regretted laughing like a loon at a man so obviously suffering delusions. more »»

 
 
 
Get fit until the cows come home

January 18, 2015 Getting fit used to be easy. more »»

Bug bites whiny, er, sick writer

January 11, 2015 There will be no column today because I’m sick. It took me until October to do it, but I finally caught the summer cold that’s been flittering about the offic. more »»

Research is better than resolutions

January 4, 2015 I have yet to break a single New Year’s resolution. My formula for success is simple: I’m still researching which resolutions to make. I don’t believe in rushing into things. more »»

Clutter inspires genius and unhealthy eating

December 28, 2014 I heard it often as a kid: “Burton William, clean your room! It looks like a pigsty.” Back then, it sounded reasonable — at least to my parents. But science says cleaning the sty stifles creativity. more »»

Guys lose focus ... hey, a chicken!

December 21, 2014 Guys just don’t pay attention. Our wives questioned our focus for years. I think. I wasn’t really paying atten ... well, you know. Now a scientific study backs them up. It says .. more »»

Dream big but wear a helmet

December 14, 2014 Common advice is that if you’re going to dream, dream big. That’s not such a great plan when you’re a kid waiting for Christmas. Come to think of it, it’s not working out so well as an adult, eithe. more »»

Solve the mystery of shopping for spouses

December 7, 2014 “How can I get my husband to tell me what he wants for Christmas?” Yet another exasperated wife asked for my expertise, though I wasn’t clear if it was because I am a guy or because I resemble Santa... more »»

More chocolate needed to stop zombie hordes

November 30, 2014 The Zombie Apocalypse is coming. We’re in for the whole Kit-Kat and caboodle of walking deadness. Unless we get more chocolate. more »»

Cell phone springs prisoner from the potty

November 23, 2014 Even in this week of gratitude, I never thought it would come to this — I am thankful for cell phones. Crazy, I know. For years, I railed against the cell. more »»

Uncouth ‘forget’ good manners

November 16, 2014 I am uncouth. I prefer to call it pleasingly casual. I have no ideas what “couth” is, but I do know, after reviewing the rules of the growing trend of business etiquette boot camps, that I am not i. more »»

The worst ear worms of them all

November 9, 2014 I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want — I want someone to get a trowel and an empty soup can, dig these ear worms out of my brain, and feed them to a Karma Chameleon. more »»

Chocolate improves, uh, oh, don’t tell me...

November 2, 2014 Wait a second. It’ll come back to me. Oh, yeah, that’s right — chocolate improves memory! What awesome timin. more »»

Vacating at a slower pace

October 26, 2014 I scooted on the unfamiliar bed and gazed at the river rolling lazily outside the inn windows. ‘‘So, want to go see a sight today?’’ Terry rolled off of her pillow. more »»

Cricket Complex chirps too late

October 19, 2014 It is amazing how well a spouse’s voice carries — when you don’t want it to. I could be on a business trip in an area so remote that not even my cell phone work. more »»

The scary thing is laughs are better

October 12, 2014 It’s the time of year when a young person’s fancy turns to horror movies, mazes and mud wrestling. Well, not mud wrestling. more »»

Helicopter moms and drone dads

October 5, 2014 As usual, young Fetid Jr.’s bedroom lay in shamble. more »»

Come and knock on our colorful door

September 28, 2014 The color of your front door matters. Pick the wrong color and your door will scream, ‘‘Go away! I’m taking a nap!’’ Or possibly that’s the right color, depending on your grump factor. more »»

Here, Burtie, Burtie, Burtie

September 21, 2014 Quietly I turned the door knob. Tiptoed into the house. Peeked around the corner. Slipped down the hallway. more »»

The danger of how-to books: You might try

September 14, 2014 Probably nothing has caused more damage and broken more homes — I am speaking literally, here — than do-it-yourself books. We have a complete set of those things sitting in a box in the living room. more »»

Seriously: Now you can laugh yourself skinny

September 7, 2014 Need to lose weight? Sit right down in that easy chair because you’ve come to the right place. more »»

 
 
 

 

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