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Bring Burton back to the name game

May 24, 2015 I have a weird name. I mean rare. Let’s see, there’s a police chief in Indiana who shares my name, and there’s Burton Cummings (who?). more »»

 
 
 
Dream a little nightmare with me

May 17, 2015 My heinous deeds were horrible. Incomprehensible. Indefensible. Except that I hadn’t really committed them. My wife dreamed them all up. Literally. She shook me awake and glared. more »»

Little kids teach the best way to play the game

May 10, 2015 My new favorite spectator sport is soccer as played by 5- and 6-year-olds. The game is simple, fun, unpredictable — and free of tedious technical points, such as, say, scoring. more »»

Get a whiff of research, sweat and happiness

May 3, 2015 Science, in its never-ending quest to amaze, amuse and amplify weirdness, now claims sniffing a happy person’s sweat makes you feel better. more »»

A purpose for those pesky mag inserts

April 26, 2015 (Editor’s Note: Beginning next Sunday, find Burt’s Eye View on the Tribune Chronicle Sunday Life page. more »»

How brain improves with age

April 19, 2015 I stopped in the middle of the living room, a magazine in one hand and a bottle of ketchup in the other. “Terry,” I hollered to my wife. more »»

Memories taste sweeter than cookies

April 12, 2015 Two brats and their sweet, long-suffering mother were struggling through the grocery store one day as Brat No. more »»

Keeping house... sorta

April 5, 2015 My wife didn’t think it possible for one person to get into that much trouble in so little unsupervised time. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have left me alone. more »»

Hurry! Earth is doomed!

March 29, 2015 “There’s no time to lose,” I yelped as I tossed aside the newspaper and popped out of my easy chair. Terry yelped, too. I whirled to face her. “You saw it? Startling, isn’t it?” “Definitel. more »»

Look, up in the sky ... it’s a big kid!

March 22, 2015 I didn’t hear my wife come home until her voice cut me down in mid-flight: “What are you doing now?” “I, uh ... Research. more »»

Just a yard sale away from riches

March 15, 2015 I shop the wrong yard sales. We don’t have an attic. Otherwise, we’d be rich. Look at the evidenc. more »»

Punishing puns win wordplay titles

March 8, 2015 Oh, those nasty puns. You try scrubbing them out and soaking them out, and you can still come out ringed around by groans and hollers. * You can push the envelope, but it’ll still be stationery. more »»

Sausage gravy opens up a life of miracles

March 1, 2015 You bet I believe in miracles. The delectable contents of a tin can sealed the deal. more »»

Winter is a great way to work out

February 22, 2015 There’s no need to buy memberships in one of those big fancy expensive gyms to get a good winter workout. My wife and I exercise together, using whatever equipment is lying about the place. more »»

Scales just lie there, snickering

February 15, 2015 Bathroom scales are born liars. I mean, seriously, they just lie there on the floor, snickering. more »»

How do I love thee? Let me write the ways

February 8, 2015 Because I am a fully licensed professional writer, a veritable master of verbs, nouns and hyperbole, it is only reasonable that my wife receive a well-crafted love letter now and again. more »»

Not every dad has Powers

February 1, 2015 Today my dad celebrates his 82nd birthday, and I think it’s high time that he shared his greatest secret with me — Dad Powers. When I was kid, I couldn’t wait to grow into Dad Powers. more »»

Bulldozer is best friend for home repairs

January 25, 2015 I once heard a man claim he finished a home repair project on time and without a hitch. Later, I regretted laughing like a loon at a man so obviously suffering delusions. more »»

Get fit until the cows come home

January 18, 2015 Getting fit used to be easy. more »»

Bug bites whiny, er, sick writer

January 11, 2015 There will be no column today because I’m sick. It took me until October to do it, but I finally caught the summer cold that’s been flittering about the offic. more »»

Research is better than resolutions

January 4, 2015 I have yet to break a single New Year’s resolution. My formula for success is simple: I’m still researching which resolutions to make. I don’t believe in rushing into things. more »»

 
 
 

 

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