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You eat what you are 4 – Dating by hot dogs

August 14, 2013 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)

Psychologists, behavioral experts and goofballs claim they can tell your personality by your food flavor preferences.

And this leads to Part 4 of our food psychiatry series, finding your perfect date by the way he dresses his hot dog.

Citing Dr. Alan Hirsch, the neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, Cosmopolitan magazine says here's what it means if that possible special someone chooses:

* Ketchup and / or mustard: It's the good ol' tried-and-true favored by people who are easy going and figure there's no point in upsetting the hot dog cart. They're not loaded with too many ideas on their own, but hey, they'll give it a try if you suggest it.

But, Hirsch warns, even a ketchup and mustard person craves spontaneous adventures from time to time. Yep, he might even use relish.

* Sauerkraut and mustard: The 'kraut and mustard folk probably learned it as kids and stick with traditions. It means they are loyal and dedicated – and introverted and don't mind staying stuck in their ruts. If you're a chili dog kind of girl, you're going to have to push a kraut kind of boy into adventure.

* Chili: The more chili a person heaps on their dog, the more it indicates an unrestrained, off-the-wall fun-seeker. Hirsch says the words are “extroverted,” “emotional” and “seductive.” You better have plenty of gusto in the tank if you've got your eye on a chili dog date. Subtlety is lost on these folks.

* The works: They want it all, and all at once. The pile-it-on people are wide open, innovative and eager to try anything once. Maybe even three or four times. It takes a lot of curiosity about life to hang with the pilers. They choose from every flavor.

And now for less, uh, scientific opinions. Amy Brantley posted these thoughts in the “Mystery of Men” section of Yahoo Screens:

* Mustard and onions: This is a guy more interested in tasting the dog than frills. And, says Brantley, he probably likes his women the same way – an unpretentious woman, not a bunch of glitter, glamor and makeup.

* Chili, cheese and bacon: This is a guy who wants the most from life and is willing to take the consequences, “whether it be high cholesterol or a broken heart,” Brantley says. He's not your relaxed kind of dude.

* Jalapenos: The hot and spicy guys go for the extremes in everything they do, Brantley says. He enjoys a good time, and he enjoys romancing women.

Finally, a couple of self-admittedly completely made-up observations from Adrianna Velez in The Stir:

* Plain: This is a woman who hates complications, hates getting her hands dirty, and probably hates hot dogs, too.

* Relish and onions: A tart-mouthed woman who hates people – which is why she orders onions, to keep kibitzers at bay.

* Chili and cheese: “You are doomed to make the same inadvisable choices over and over again,” Velez surmises. “The chili and cheese dog always sounds a lot better than it actually is. … You have this insane combination of optimism and amnesia.”

Next on the menu, we finish off this meal with a heaping helping of defining your personality traits by the ice cream flavors you choose. Bring your appetite.


Article Comments



Aug-14-13 1:19 PM

Jalapenos and "Stadium Mustard". Lots of jalapenos.......I mean a LOT of jalapenos........


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He's married, so he doesn't need to worry about finding dates by hot dogs. Cole, center, needs to stick with the salad bar. No dressing.


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