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'If you break your legs, don't coming running to me' - Wisdom from Mom and Dad

October 16, 2012 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)

My parents taught me about reasoning – “Because I said so, that's why.”

My parents taught me the rewards of positive thinking – “If you keep up that crying, I'll give something to cry about.”

They taught me about receiving – “You are so going to get it when we get home.”

This week, my sibs and I are celebrating Mom and Dad's 55th wedding anniversary. Their anniversary actually was Aug. 10. This is mid-October. For all his trying, Dad never could teach us timeliness. So we're pretending its a surprise party. They'd never see that coming.

After 55 years, Mom and Dad still hold hands, go places together and prefer each other's company. Perhaps it has to do with their nightly games of dominoes. Or maybe it's because the four of us finally grew up – well, aged, anyway – and moved out, leaving them with nothing but serenity.

Whatever the case, Mom and Dad taught us gobs of goodness about love, honor and respect.

They also slipped in a few gems that reminded me of that list of “Things my Parents Taught Me” that's made the rounds over the past couple years. I'd love to credit the original author but can't find who it is. Still, in honor of my parents who taught me to never, ever copy off of someone else's paper, here are a more lines adapted from, inspired by and outright swiped from the list of things my parents taught me:

Appreciate a job well done. “If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just mopped the floor.”

Logic. “If you fall off that thing and break your legs, don't come running to me.”

Focus. “What did I tell just you?”

Improvisation. “What did I tell just you?”

Time travel. “If you don't knock off that noise, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

Weather: “This room looks like a tornado went through it.”

Medical science: “If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to get stuck that way.”

Osmosis: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

Becoming an adult: “Eat your vegetables or you' ll never grow up.”

Stamina: "You'll sit there until you've eaten every one of those lima beans."

Justice: “Some day you're going to have kids of your own and I hope they're just like you. Then you'll understand.”

I'm sure none of our kids EVER heard us say goofy things. Unfortunately, I'm out of space, so we can't ask them. Happy anniversary, anyway, Mom and Dad. We love you.


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Fifty-five years and still smiling - probably because their kids moved out.


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