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With great gray hair comes great gray matter
September 18, 2012 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)
I am splendiferous. It says so in Scripture: “The glory of young men is their strength, and the splendor of old men is gray hair.” – Proverbs 20:29 (HCSB)
Baby, I've got the gray. And an excuse – I mean, rock-solid reason – to not engage in the past glories of heavy lifting.
Gray hair obviously is a sign of great wisdom. Some people fail to perceive that. By “some people,” I mean dark-haired nitwits.
I sought to verify the link between gray and gray matter. Ask.com replied, “No... it's genetics, stress and old age.” I suspect the answer folks were infiltrated by dark-haired nitwits.
To keep you from becoming a dark-haired nitwit, I offer this collection of wisdom from the guys and gals of the gray for your edification:
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'” – Claude D. Pepper
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin
“Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.” – Groucho Marx
“Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.” – bumper sticker
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” – Harry Hershfield.
“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then, your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.” – author unknown
“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.” – Will Rogers
“The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.” – author unknown
“Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact, I think that's the goal of everybody here tonight. We all want to be an old person someday.” – Jeff Foxworthy
“A man 90 years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. 'I reckon,' he said, with a twinkle in his eye, 'it's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.'” – Dorothea Kent
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The wise, old gray-haired guy.