Some like it hot; everyone else can just hush up

Boy, is it hot out! Ya know, that mercury is just through the roof! The temperature increased over that of previous days! The barometric pressure of the atmosphere is downright …

Yes. It’s hot. I get it. Now be quiet about it.

It’s that magical time of year when our Midwestern dreams come true.

Finally, down jackets can be flung into the closet. Randy from “A Christmas Story”?can walk to school with his arms down. Ice scrapers can be snapped in half over your knee. Furnaces can be put out, and the crows that fell down the chimney can finally be given a proper burial. ?

Yes, summer is in sight. The rapture, the glory, the end of a long winter. Splendid days lie ahead full of fun, sun, picnics, nature, bike rides, baseball, fireworks and ice cream.

And now everyone just won’t stop complaining.

On Facebook: “Ugh, it’s sooooo hot.”?At the store:?”Boy, it’s cooking out in the parking lot!” People who walk in from outside go “Phew!” when they come through the door.

Don’t you people realize that this is the answer to our prayers? For many months, we longed for days when we could go outside without dressing for an expedition to Mt. Everest.

Now, that time is at an end for a few fleeting months, and it seems many of you are having a real gratitude problem.

Remember those cold, frozen days where just walking from your car to the house was a test of sheer will? When the hem of every pair of pants was soaked in ice and road salt? When you looked out of the window at another gray, empty landscape and finally, your mind breaking, stumbled out into the snow like a man staggering toward an oasis, muttering “Sunshine … sunshine!”

I waited so long for this moment. Waiting to feel the warmth of sun on my legs. To hear the laughter of children playing ball outside. To hear the chirp of birds, for the scent of flowers to fill the air. To swim, bike, barbecue.

As soon as Ohio spring (roughly two weeks)?passes, and hotter days emerge, everyone seems to forget the horrors of Ohio winter. Though most of it is best forgotten (save the occasional majestic white morning), you need to remember so that every second of summer can be appreciated. Even those that approach and / or surpass 90 degrees. Savor every bead of sweat, my fellow Ohioans.

Summer is good. Heat is good. Heat is freedom.

Maybe it was because I?never had central air. I don’t know how anyone can stay cooped up on a beautiful sunny day.

I’ve also been to Texas in August, so I?know it could be much worse.

Take a swim in Lake Milton. Enjoy a Handel’s cone. Visit the Devil’s Ice Box at Nelson Ledges.

Just don’t anger the gods of summer by complaining about the heat.

I?know that when it’s cold, you can just keep adding layers, but when it’s hot, naked is as far as you can get. But I’d rather be watching T.V. in undershorts with a Popsicle than huddling under four blankets wishing for magma to seep from the ground for a real-life game of “The Floor is Lava.”

If you don’t like to sweat, sit in a kiddie pool and wait for the tinkle of the ice cream truck, and thank the barometric gods that you are finally outside. And get one of those Pink Panther pops with the gumball eyes.

Have a safe, happy and sweaty summer.

Can’t take the heat? Get out of the kitchen and tell me about it at ssepanek@, or comment on this story at