The burdens of being beautiful

The woman claims she quit her job because she’s too pretty to work. Tell me about it. Who among us doesn’t suffer from that same malady?

Except for the part about quitting our jobs.

And being too pretty.

Other than that, we’ve all been there.

In a story published last week in the Daily Mail in the United Kingdom, Laura Fernee, 33, says her good looks forced her to quit her job in scientific research two years ago because of all the unwanted attention from co-workers.

So now she muddles by on an allowance from her wealthy parents – a pittance that more than doubles her working salary.

I pointed this out to my parents. ”Is this not the example you wish to follow when it concerns your wonderfully rugged and stunningly handsome firstborn?”

They offered me a pup tent on the corner of the back porch and a box of Cheerios. But I have to do their dishes and laundry.

Also, they’d asked for clarification on the words ”rugged” and ”handsome” – ”You keep using those words. We don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.”

See if I invite them to squeeze into my pup tent to watch that movie again.

Anyway, as I understand her statements, Miss Fernee’s male co-workers pined and groveled for dates, while her female co-workers hated her for being so overpoweringly gorgeous.

”I love my work,” but when you endure the trauma that good looks bring, “you are unable to think clearly,” she lamented during a television interview.

So she quit her job with a salary equivalent to about $45,600 in U.S. dollars, and is forced to live on the about $101,171 U.S. that her parents give her to cover her Notting Hill flat ($36,480); designer clothes, shoes and purses ($27,360); socializing ($18,240); hair styling ($12,768); and gym membership ($6,323). I suppose there are incidentals as well, but they weren’t specified.

Go ahead, hate her because she’s beautiful if you will, but as she pointed out to the Daily Mail, ”I’m not lazy, and I’m no bimbo. The truth is my good looks have caused massive problems for me when it comes to employment, so I’ve made the decision that employment just isn’t for me at the moment.

”It’s not my fault. I can’t help the way I look.”

I hear ya, sister. It’s not my fault that I look this good, either. Well, maybe if I’d laid off the pizzas and chocolate chip cookies, I could have helped some of it.

It’s too bad, really. I love hard work. I could sit and watch it for hours, if only it wasn’t such a bother to move my easy chair to anyplace where an act of hard work is being committed.

But really, we beautiful people of the world must take a stand. You just can’t put critters as pretty as we are to work. Trust me. My bosses have been trying to get work out of me for years. But I’m too stunning and getting more splendiferous every day.

Well, ”splendiferous” isn’t the exact word my bosses used, but they did say something about being stunned.

Anyway, like the lovely Miss Fernee, you and I are just too pretty to work. You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you, you beautifully gorgeous thing, you? Yeah, baby.

Well, coffee break’s over. Guess we better get back at it.

—- Trade beauty secrets with Cole at or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.