One-track mind easily is derailed
The nerve. Only five minutes into my story, David glanced at his watch and muttered, ”Another meandering stream through the forest.”
Why are people like that? I mean, I hadn’t got to the part about the Dry Gulch stream yet.
Some people just can’t seem to focus when you try to tell them a simple fact. Take my buddy John, for instance. John once told me —
Oh, I mean John with the ”H,” not my other buddy Jon, who spells his name without.
”The ‘H’ is silent anyway,” Jon Without the H says. ”Do you have any idea how much ink I’ve kept out of landfills over the years not signing my name with a letter only there for show?”
Especially when there are words like ”sure” and ”sugar” that could use an ”H” but have had to do without.
How do you get the pronunciation ”shooger” out of that spelling anyway? Back when sugar was discovered, did somebody scratch a name in the dirt and say, ”Tell me, Oog, does this word look like ‘shooger’ or ‘cigar’ to you?”
”Go with shooger. I’m thinking of calling that hunk of wadded-up weeds a cigar.”
No wait, it wasn’t the Dry Gulch stream. No, the stream in the story I was telling David was the Lazy Larry.
Dry Gulch or Lazy Larry. That’s like asking Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse? No, probably more like Spider-Man or the Batman?
Why is Spider-Man hyphenated? None of the other famous ”mans” are – Superman, Hawkman, Aquaman, Herbie Mann, Manfred Mann. But Spider-Man clings to the hyphen like it’s tangled in a, well, web.
The hyphen makes sense, grammatically speaking. We should speak grammatically, ain’t that so? Ha, ha, a little grammatical humor there.
(And it would be ”there,” not ”their” or ”they’re” or ”thar.”)
Duh, not the Lazy Larry. That’s one of my cousins. There’s Lazy Larry and Larry the Awesome. Sometimes I forget which is which. Anyway, the stream’s name was the Lazy Brook.
Anyway, why is it ”the” Batman? Is it to distinguish THE Batman from all the other batmen, or possibly bat-hyphen-men, flapping around out there?:
”Oh, Commissioner Gordon, you didn’t mean for us to summon the Cleveland Indians. You meant THE Batman, the guy in the cape. OK, Santana, Reynolds and Brantley, you can go. And take your baseball bats with you.”
Baseball. How cool is it that it’s May and we’re in the thick of baseball season?
Which reminds me, the urban legend is April showers bring May flowers. We didn’t have April showers. We had April snows. So what do we get this month? May Popsicles?
How come you can walk into any craft store and buy Popsicle sticks by the thousands? Is that so if you saunter down the dairy aisle and happen to see a thousand slabs of ice cream, you’ll be ready?
No, no, no, it wasn’t the Lazy Brook. Conneaut Creek.
Anyway, as John once told me —
Hey, where are you going? I haven’t got to my story yet. The nerve.
Which reminds me, do you know how many miles of nerves are twisted about in our bodies —
—- Beat around the bush with Cole at email@example.com, or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.