Repenting for my Seven Deadly Pop Culture Sins

As salacious as pop culture is, some of it is a necessary evil. For every “Jersey Shore,”?there is a “M.A.S.H.” For every “Twilight,”?there is a … movie that is better than “Twilight.”?See, I’ve already broken my promise to stop making fun of “Twilight.”

I’ve tried to lead a holy pop culture life. Thou shalt not mix up Star Wars and Star Trek. Thou shalt not take Paul McCartney’s name in vain. But still, I?commit great transgressions to the pop culture universe. Here they are in no particular order; may the AV?Club comment boards have mercy on me.

1. Still haven’t watched “Breaking Bad.”?

Yes, I?know it’s brilliant, but I?still haven’t snuggled into the methy world of Walter White. I?think the bulk of the series daunts me; there’s five seasons to get through. I?know I want to be able to give it my full attention. It’s in my Netflix queue, and hopefully soon I?can appreciate all the violence and chemistry equations for what it’s worth.

2. Still haven’t watched “The Wire.”?

Slightly more forgivable since it’s not on Netflix, but a shame just the same. I?tried to dip into the season that focused on journalism, but it seemed wrong to just interrupt the world of Omar Little and all the corrupt cops and politicians. I’ll accept having to endure a Kardashian marathon as punishment.

3. Talking smack about the Beatles.

I?have had this Beatles debate with many. I?don’t consider them a “rock and roll” band per se. The bulk of their existence, they were a folk band, a pop band, a psychedelic band, but not a true rock band, like, say, the Rolling Stones are. Rock and roll bands are live groups; the Beatles were more of a studio group. There’s several more points but they just make me look more and more like an idiot.

4. Slacking on video games.

I?haven’t really played any video games since the advent of the Nintendo 64. So many Marios. While I don’t think I’m missing much without “Grand Theft Auto”?in my life, I?know that I missed a bunch of trips on Rainbow Road and never knew the joys of beating elves while on a headset with all my friends. For shame.

5. General pop music ignorance.

I?couldn’t name a Katy Perry song. The boy band hits of the ’90s elude me?(except that “Backstreet’s Back” malarkey). My ignorance of Top 40 pop music is woeful. While most of it is tripe, it is still part of our cultural canon, and I should at least know enough not to get massacred in Song Pop on a daily basis.

6. Harry Potter prejudice.

I convinced myself I would not enjoy the books or films in this series based on 10-second glimpses whenever one of the movies is on TV. Millions of wizards can’t be wrong, right??Whimsy and magic are great at any age; I?should just get over myself and give them a try.

7. Hating “The Princess Bride.”

I?think this makes me a candidate for castle-tower exile. It doesn’t come close to my hatred for “Grease,”?but I think I’m the only one who can’t sit through this fairy tale without cringing. I?need to get over this. There’s no reason to disdain anything relating to Andre the Giant.

So, there you have it. I’ll be spending the next week praying for forgiveness at the altar of my Simpsons ultimate reference guide.

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