Doorways, phones and fridges pull pranks

Have you ever walked into a room and but couldn’t remember why?

You’re not becoming senile. The doorway did it.

According to psychology researchers at University of Notre Dame, doorways act like scene changes in a movie. When you cross the threshold, the brain drops whatever thoughts it was holding.

Here’s the scary part – the doorway has friends all over the house.

How many times have you stared into the refrigerator trying to remember what it was you wanted? True, it could be the fridge door pulling the scene change stunt. But what about the spatula?

We use kitchen spatulas to scrape the last of the goop from a mixing bowl. I bet spatulas trigger some kind of mind game, letting memories plop from brains like so much batter from a bowl.

I suspect that the lightbulb in the fridge is in on it. How does the light come on? Brain waves. It feeds on yours.

When you can’t remember the names of people you know, including kids and spouses, it’s not a sign of aging. All those names are in cold storage.

How many times have you seen a person on a cellphone walk into walls, lampstands, traffic, the wrong restroom and so on? It’s not ”distracted walking.” Cellphones did it.

Cellphones are positioned where dreams only dream of being – right next to the ear canal with a direct shot at taking over the brain.

You’re neither clumsy nor an idiot. You’ve been punked by your phone.

Grandpa used to warn me that television would suck out all my brain cells. If it did, I never noticed. How could I, with all my brain cells sucked out?

What the TV missed, cellphones aim to get.

Bathroom scales are among the worst of the rascals. I bet if the guys at Notre Dame would delve into it, they’d discover that scales possess magnetic qualities. We’re not talking iron and steel. Scales gobble up ions, air waves, thoughts stolen by doorways and other such invisible things.

Thanks to gravity, the heftiest of these invisibles drop to the floor and blanket the scales before you ever step on them.

Weight is not your fault. The scales did it.

How about when you’re driving and miss your turn? Take a closer listen to the sound system. It’s chuckling.

When you pushed the tuning button, it not only changed the radio station, it shifted the whole beat and rhythm of your head. That’s why you drove right past your own house. It’s not because you’re an idiot who can’t remember things. It’s the car stereo. The car door probably helped.

It doesn’t end there. Have you noticed that the last bolt always sticks, the rope is always 3 inches too short, the ink cartridge always runs out with three copies to go and the sale on the thing you didn’t need until today ended yesterday? Always.

Our stuff pulls stunts.

It’s time to outsmart our stuff. Flop in the easy chair. Sure, easy chairs trigger the sleep gene, even if you’re wide awake, but did you really want to feed any more socks to your dryer with the black hole? I didn’t think so.

But write yourself a note first. Otherwise, you’ll forget why you walked into the living room.

—– Find Burt on the other side of the doorway at or at the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.