A wail at the thought of no Saturday mail

Boy, another week chock full of lots of important news, huh? First and foremost, the good news: a miracle occurred and the life of a 6-year-old boy was saved in Alabama. Thank you, Lord.

Then there was some trash talk. As in Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco dropping an expletive just after his team stole, I mean, won the Super Bowl. Yet another reason to dislike the transplanted Browns, but I digress.

Curiously, the president missed a really big deadline. Hmm. If I had budgets due and told my boss, “Hey, look, man, it’s been crazy busy. Sorry,” I am pretty sure it wouldn’t fly.

The week just droned on, really; it was a killer.

Then came the most crushing blow of all: The United States Postal Service canceled all Saturday deliveries in an attempt to cut costs.

Sadness filled Patty World. No more mail on Saturdays? Man! This bums me out entirely. Why? Many reasons, actually.

Here are the Top 10 reasons I don’t want Saturday mail to go away:

10. One of our best friends is a letter carrier. This is not good news for him. Hmpf.

9. It helps me keep track of the day of the week on weekends. Mail = Saturday. No mail = Sunday.

8. Saturday is a good day to get mail because, as my sister Gina pointed out, it’s the only day of the week when you can actually leisurely go through the mail instead of just scanning for bills and tossing the rest aside in a hurried rush.

7. It has saved me from certain familial disowning and friend irritation during the Christmas season by getting me in under the wire many, many times.

6. If it fits it ships … even on Saturday – what’s not to love about that?

5. When you are awaiting a tax refund, a business check or a birthday card, it is extra fun to get it on a Saturday. Just like getting the Sunday coupons a day early. Now that’s over, too. Grr.

4. It helps motivate me and mine to shovel snow off the driveway on Saturday. Getting to a full mailbox is like finding the prize in a cereal or Cracker Jack box. Well, sorta.

3. I’m no economic genius, but it seems this will have a negative trickle down impact on various truck drivers, greeting card sellers and all sorts of retailers and plane, train and automobile companies which are in any way affiliated with transporting mail stuffs.

2. This will surely add to my late fee bill pile.

1. I don’t like the same bureaucrats who can’t get their budget submitted on time forcing my beloved Postal Service to shut down operations and in essence tell me I have to wait longer to get my mail. Even if it’s a bill. In fact, especially if it’s a bill! See No. 2.

So, I say, let’s help the good old USPS by flooding our government officials’ mailboxes with tons of letters on why we want them to help reinstate Saturday mail. And then let’s send more mail telling them to start doing their jobs, while we’re at it.

Heck, maybe Saturday mail will come roaring back so boldly that they will need to extend post office hours on weekends to keep up with it all!

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist and while she’s happy to get email, feel free to drop her a line at the paper’s street address:?240 Franklin St. S.E., Warren, OH?44483. You know, in the mail!