Patty Kimerer column

I’m sorry, the apologies started in the stroller

I’m an apologizer. Always have been. Always will be. My sister is equally apologetic. I believe it may be genetic, since we come from a long line of them. In fact, my first full sentence as a wee one was, “I sowwy, Mommy.” I think it was for being such a heavy sack for her to have ...

Hey, little liar, I believed me

In the mid-to-late 1980s, Joan Jett was all the rage. All angry and dark and shiny in her black leather gear and matching punk hair and sable, almost goth makeup, she was the epitome of bad girl cool. She well known for such hits as “I Love Rock & Roll,” “I Hate Myself for Loving ...

When did skijoring get booted from the games?

Finally, they are here. The games of the 23rd Olympiad or, as most of us say, Winter Olympics 2018, yo. Man, oh man how I love the Olympics! In fact, if being a fan of the Olympics was an Olympic sport, I would totally win the gold. And, shoot, as for being one of the most dedicated ...

Land of the freaks and home of the bickersons

Thank God it’s February. I mean that. Really, really a lot. Why does January seem to last for 4 1/2 months? Maybe it’s not that way for everyone, say especially for those who live in regions where January’s weather is not abominable. Then again, this year, the list of states that ...

Last one to sleep is a rotten Pedi Egg

You know the best thing about having insomnia? Yeah, OK, there really isn’t a BEST thing about it. According to the National Sleep Foundation, insomnia or the inability to fall or stay asleep is a bona fide health ailment impacting nearly 40 percent of Americans every year. More women than ...

Losing the popular vote by one on ‘nice’ campaign

The other day I learned that someone recently accused me of being too nice. As I heard it, the comment went a little something like this: “Patty Kimerer, oh, she’s nice — like, maybe a little too nice, you know what I mean? Come on, no one can be that nice all the time.” Hmm. I ...

Holiday hangover depression during January

Hi. How’s it going? Sunday starting off OK, is it? Good, good. I just want to ease into today’s effort with you all. No pressure. No criticism. No judgment. OK, maybe a little pressure. Because — and I’m approaching this in the meekest, most benign and empathetic manner I can ...

Last call, everybody … for 2017, by the way

It’s last call … for 2017, anyway. As with most years, it was both good and bad. Happy and sad. In 2017, both joyous and horrific things happened. The 45th president of the United States was sworn in. Natural disasters seemed to take on wicked new depth and force. Women marched, NFL ...

Moore Clement robbing, courtesy of poetess PK

As always, it’s time for my unabashed bootlegging of Clement C. Moore’s Christmas poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” — better known as “’Twas the Night before Christmas” — a la PK, obvi. #wink ‘Twas four days before Christmas When all through my brain Manic thoughts were ...

As Frosty always says, ‘Happy birthday!’

I know it’s “The Holidays.” Sure, I’m aware that Hanukkah began last week. Yeah, I realize we are seven shopping days from... well, you know. But for me, December is more like birthday season, yo. First of all, I have clearly waxed on and on — and on a little more — about the ...

As Frosty always says, ‘Happy birthday!’

I know it’s “The Holidays.” Sure, I’m aware that Hanukkah began last week. Yeah, I realize we are seven shopping days from... well, you know. But for me, December is more like birthday season, yo. First of all, I have clearly waxed on and on — and on a little more — about the ...

Through thick and thin — and wild head spins

I was pretty sure it was in there. I mean, it’s going on 23 years now and the mind starts to falter a bit. So just to quadruple confirm, I went to the replay. As I fast-forwarded through our wedding video, there it was, plain as day. He said it, all right and not under duress or coercion, ...

Cannot believe it has been 18 years already

I don’t want to brag or anything but 18 years ago right now, I was a pretty big deal. As in circumference, yo. What I mean to say is that I was YOOOGE, as President Trump would put it. Because 18 years ago right now, I was growing a little person. And he was getting cramped, yo. I ...

Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret … admirer

I know Thanksgiving is officially over but I need to give one last shout out to a very special somebody while we’re still in that whole appreciating things mode. Therefore, I am formally, publicly and officially declaring a huge thank you to my secret admirer (SA for short), whomever he or ...

Mom and Dad, thank you for ruining my life

There is an episode of “Friends” in which Joey is rehearsing a scene with Phoebe. As they are running lines, Phoebe gets carried away and ultimately becomes overly impressed with her own acting ability, which is clearly horrible. Put off by her inflated ego, Joey puts the kibosh on ...

Stuff that might come in handy, by Mom

There are those moments in life you know instantly will be keepers. You know, those, “Oh man, stuff just got real” experiences that tattoo your heart. I had one Wednesday when our son, Kyle, signed his National Letter of Intent with Canisius College in Buffalo, N.Y. He was among five ...

Men, Mars and mayonnaise make Patty go batty

Life with boys is not for the faint of heart ... or psyche ... or nose. #seriouslycanthitthetarget Men may be from Mars — this I accepted many moons ago and for the most part, can handle. But do they really have to keep leaving the mayonnaise jar sitting out on the counter all day? I ...

Cannot wait for Halloween to be over with

Two days. I only have to tolerate my least favorite “holiday season” for two more days. Okay, okay, fine. I know that many of you out there love Halloween. Truth be told, some of my closest friends absolutely love all the creepy chills, thrills and poison pills conjuring up the ick, ...

Like, who does that? Apparently, lots of us

I’m not going to sugar coat it; it’s been a rough week. The outrage, the shock, the debate, the discussion, the point / counterpoint, the volatile commentary, the veritable volcanic eruption of emotion. I know we all have our opinion on this but at the end of the day, Hugh Hefner WAS 91 ...

A tale of good fortune and some rotten people

Many, many years ago, when I was a fresh-faced college graduate working my first real job in the world, a lovely thing happened … well, after a bit of a sad one, actually. It was in 1997 when the broadcast radio and television station where I’d happily worked since 1990 sold its company. ...