Patty Kimerer column

Moves to head of class with failing grades

You know, ever since Kyle entered high school three years ago, I’ve had passing thoughts of what it must be like to be a teenager these days. I mean, as I see him maneuvering the process so effortlessly, it occurs to me every now and again that this talent of his might be a recessive ...

Pity passing of Patty as popular proper name

As Kyle and I stood in line at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles recently, I hardly noticed at first. I guess that’s pretty telling of the root problem, really. Allow me to backtrack. My son and I headed into the BMV to replace his driver’s license, a task we were both dreading since the ...

When life is rough, just watch some basketball

I love basketball; I just do. And anyone who even sparingly skims this space on occasion knows that I’m all about the Cleveland Cavaliers. #allin I know, we’re in a little bit of a slide; not to worry — the boys will turn it around under LeBron’s capable helm. Anyway, I love ...

Save face; keep profile photos professional

Let’s face it: We humans are obsessed with face. First of all, there are about 18 gazillion idioms commonly used (at least in the English language) with direct or veiled references to the face. Here’s a smattering: Put on a happy face; Get out of my face; She is completely ...

Daunting dental visit capped by recycled jaw bone

You know how, sometimes, when you’re having a little dental procedure and suddenly they sorta just slip part of another human being into your face? Oh, you don’t? I didn’t either, until last week. #toothextractiongonehorriblywrong Fine, I’ll retrace the painful steps for you. It ...

Channeling Clement for Valley-revised take on classic

As has become a tradition in this space, it is time once again for a decidedly PK take on the Clement Moore classic “A Visit from St. Nicholas” — or as it’s more commonly known, “’Twas the Night before Christmas”: ’Twas the morning of Christmas When all through the ...

Channeling Clement for Valley-revised take on classic

As has become a tradition in this space, it is time once again for a decidedly PK take on the Clement Moore classic “A Visit from St. Nicholas” — or as it’s more commonly known, “’Twas the Night before Christmas”: ’Twas the morning of Christmas When all through the ...

Good cheer warms bell ringers in cold weather

Back in the mid-1980s when I was young, there was a really popular song called “Life in a Northern Town” by the British band Dream Academy. I loved that song. It was all at once beautiful and haunting, and boy, it really stuck in your noggin after hearing just the first few chords. It ...

Greeting style changes but sentiment is same

I know there’s been a very contentious climate hovering in the airwaves as of late, what with so many folks bellowing their opinions so publicly every three seconds or so. Even now, as we begin the second full week in December, the brouhaha continues. It may, in fact, be one of those ...

I am Patricia and, yes, I am THAT mom

For those who may be unfamiliar with the “Meaww Quiz” feature on social media, allow me to explain. It is an auto-generated Q&A function accessible through one’s Facebook page. It poses queries such as “Who would be in your mafia gang?,” “Who were you in a former life?,” ...

The worst swim meet ever … sorta

My Sentiments Exactly Immediately upon sitting down, I dumped the extra-large cup of coffee I’d gingerly transported in the car on the one-and-a-half hour drive up to Kyle’s swim meet last Saturday. As soon as I plopped down in my chair back –– BAM! My beloved Dunkin’ Donuts ...

Help yourself to a serving of gratefulness

If Thanksgiving was a person, she’d be ticked. I don’t know why I assume she’d be a woman. I get the whole Tom Turkey thing. Perhaps it’s the sheer amount of T-Day prep and cleanup work that I rightly or wrongly attribute to being a gal’s responsibility that leads me to that ...

Consider takeaways from season of harshness

My Sentiments Exactly I know how you feel; I share your emotions. I understand how, with bated breath, you watched every second of that drama unfold last Tuesday night. It seemed to go on forever and ever and two days. It wore us all out ... came right down to the wire, as it ...

If only we could live in Hallmark Christmasland

I am a habitually early riser. I think it started when Kyle was an infant and had to be held upright after every feeding due to his severe reflux disorder. Poor little guy. Talk about your tumultuous sleep patterns. Sheesh! It worsened years later when I commuted to my job at Alliance ...

Slow down; you move too fast — ouch!

My Sentiments Exactly Sometimes the good Lord sends us signs. They may be subtle ... like making a commercial for puppies pop up on your TV screen just as you’re trying to decide whether or not to add one to your clan. Or flashing a billboard right before your eyes along your commute ...

I can’t tell if it’s next debate or Walking Dead

It has finally arrived. The day we’ve all been waiting for. You know, the big one. The one we are simultaneously anticipating and dreading. The reveal. The decision. The answer to the burning question. Nope, not Nov. 8, people; I speak of the Season 7 premiere of AMC’s television hit ...

Crabby Patty back as ‘One Grateful Girl’

I admit it. I’ve been a little cranky lately. In this space over the span of the past few weeks, I suppose PK has not been gleaning her typical attitude of gratitude. Too much Peyton, creepy clowns, presidential puke-fest … heck, I even whined to some great degree about an ...

Childhood illness brings out only true friends

I kind of forgot about it until last week. The pain, the rejection, the isolation. I was totally exiled; an outcast.Shudder.I speak of the time when, at age 26, I came down with a case of chicken pox.That's what I said.I caught them from my little nephew, who was then 6. We were at a party at ...

Tons of trouble threaten spirit of season

It started at the end of last week, really. Well, technically, it started the Sunday I complained about my dog eating my scarf.I should've known better than to tempt fate by uttering aloud the words, "Oh well, it could have been so much worse."Because the Friday before last, my friends, it ...

Grinning through the sadness of surprise

I'm dating myself here but remember when the fictional Marine Gomer Pyle used to utter his famous catchphrase?If you're over 40-something, you just said aloud "Surprise, surprise, surprise!" Didn'tcha?Surprise: underrated or to be coveted? Hmm. A little of both, perhaps though I try to receive ...