Patty Kimerer column

Hail the royal princess, er, dudette bride

At this writing, the wedding of the decade has yet to occur. #RoyalWedding2018 The whole world seems to be obsessed with Prince Harry marrying Meghan Markle. Oops, by now, I suppose that they are officially the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. At least, that’s what most royal watchers assumed ...

Mum, Mommy, Ma, Mother, Mama — MOM!

It was a scene from the politically incorrect animated series “Family Guy” that became a TV promo for the show that morphed into an online GIF that ultimately sprouted as a ring tone. I only know the lattermost because my niece Alexis selected it as the customized sound for my sister-in-law ...

Humans become teachers of habit

I always know when my Monnie needs a nap. She, like so many other dogs, thrice circles around a certain location on the carpet (preferably within the rays of a sunbeam) and then curls up into a big old ring of paws, ears and one unusually oversized tongue. #BoxerProblems But regardless of ...

Let’s face it, we don’t click like we used to

I’ve been in a totally committed relationship for about nine years now. Well, at least, I THOUGHT so. Lately, I’ve had my doubts. It was love at first sight in January of 2009. We met through mutual friends and instantly clicked. I mean, in many ways, we’re inseparable. I check in ...

Thanks a lot, Freakazoid

You know how it is. You’re trying to squeeze about 47 tasks into a 25-minute window on any given work day and you run right smack into a raging psychopath at the supermarket. Oh wait, that doesn’t happen to you a couple of times a week? Well, frankly, me neither, but it did last week, I ...

Oh, mercy me, does bad come in threes?

You’ve heard it three times. Well, perhaps three times three times. Or maybe like 3,000 times 3 billion times. But that still don’t make it true, capsice? There is a widely held myth that misfortune comes in waves of ... yep, tres. #BadLuckThrees This is supposedly especially true in ...

The Key to unhappiness is West

There is an entire industry out there dedicated to providing readers, listeners, viewers and / or subscribers with the key to happiness. And what a multi-gazillion dollar industry it is, my friends. Books, videos, seminars, webinars, conferences, classes — the options are practically ...

No foolin’, celebrating Easter tops Thanksgiving

It’s really kind of weird how April Fool’s Day is falling on Easter this year, isn’t it? Then again, I suppose it’s no more odd than how Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday were the same day and date this year, as well. #WhatIsUp2018 Lots of folks wonder why, unlike Christmas, Easter ...

Accusations of old age might be a bit true

“Is someone in your party, like, over 55?” And just like that, some well-meaning, little, wet-behind-the-ears 20-something waitress ruined the party, aka, dinner for my husband and me the other night. Fifty-five? What in the ...? Hmpf. Immediately, I heard a woman’s voice (which ...

Simple joy of scrap-booking

“Three years I’ve thought of nothing except Titanic…” So said fictional treasure hunter Brock Lovett in the 1997 film about his obsession in finding that bazillion dollar necklace inside the infamously-sunken luxury liner. He was a man driven. Madly focused on the end prize. ...

Swim team gets little love, but parents know truth

I was about 7 or so when it happened, I think. It was my own fault, really. There I was, stalking my big sister, as always, in a desperate attempt to hang out with the older, cooler crowd. #LilSisIssues On this particular day, we were at our family reunion picnic at a nearby lake. As I ...

Recognize Spent Syndrome as real malady

You know how it is when you oversleep and... Jump out of bed and smack into the wall and zip into the shower and the water’s freezing but you’re late so you primp your entire body (including face) in like 45 seconds and then fall down the stairs (because you’re running) and ...

I’m sorry, the apologies started in the stroller

I’m an apologizer. Always have been. Always will be. My sister is equally apologetic. I believe it may be genetic, since we come from a long line of them. In fact, my first full sentence as a wee one was, “I sowwy, Mommy.” I think it was for being such a heavy sack for her to have ...

Hey, little liar, I believed me

In the mid-to-late 1980s, Joan Jett was all the rage. All angry and dark and shiny in her black leather gear and matching punk hair and sable, almost goth makeup, she was the epitome of bad girl cool. She well known for such hits as “I Love Rock & Roll,” “I Hate Myself for Loving ...

When did skijoring get booted from the games?

Finally, they are here. The games of the 23rd Olympiad or, as most of us say, Winter Olympics 2018, yo. Man, oh man how I love the Olympics! In fact, if being a fan of the Olympics was an Olympic sport, I would totally win the gold. And, shoot, as for being one of the most dedicated ...

Land of the freaks and home of the bickersons

Thank God it’s February. I mean that. Really, really a lot. Why does January seem to last for 4 1/2 months? Maybe it’s not that way for everyone, say especially for those who live in regions where January’s weather is not abominable. Then again, this year, the list of states that ...

Last one to sleep is a rotten Pedi Egg

You know the best thing about having insomnia? Yeah, OK, there really isn’t a BEST thing about it. According to the National Sleep Foundation, insomnia or the inability to fall or stay asleep is a bona fide health ailment impacting nearly 40 percent of Americans every year. More women than ...

Losing the popular vote by one on ‘nice’ campaign

The other day I learned that someone recently accused me of being too nice. As I heard it, the comment went a little something like this: “Patty Kimerer, oh, she’s nice — like, maybe a little too nice, you know what I mean? Come on, no one can be that nice all the time.” Hmm. I ...

Holiday hangover depression during January

Hi. How’s it going? Sunday starting off OK, is it? Good, good. I just want to ease into today’s effort with you all. No pressure. No criticism. No judgment. OK, maybe a little pressure. Because — and I’m approaching this in the meekest, most benign and empathetic manner I can ...

Last call, everybody … for 2017, by the way

It’s last call … for 2017, anyway. As with most years, it was both good and bad. Happy and sad. In 2017, both joyous and horrific things happened. The 45th president of the United States was sworn in. Natural disasters seemed to take on wicked new depth and force. Women marched, NFL ...