Some things need Dad’s rough-and-tumble touch

To be clear, there is no one on planet Earth who loves you like your Mother. Period. I know it sounds like I’m advocating on behalf of my kind, but that’s simply not the case.

Rather, I’m basing my theory on the example of my own Mom. She is the quintessential mother. Look, I’m sorry for all y’all that my siblings and I scooped up the absolute cream of the crop in the Mom Department. To add a cherry to that cream, I’ve got the best bonus mum in the wide world as well. Rather greedy of me, I know. #LoveYouMom&Pat

That being said, Dad is no slouch either.

I know I have waxed all gushy about my pop and how he’s a ninja … and one of the original Italian tenors … and how he worked like 18 jobs to provide for us … and how fiercely protective of and loyal to his family he is. Not to mention, he is freaking hysterical — for real. And that’s not even the half of if. #MyDadsCoolerThanYourDad

And so, in his honor, as well as that awesome daddy to my not-so-baby baby boy and the absolute sweetie pie dad-in-law whom all the Kimerers refer to as Papa, I give you:

10 Scenarios in Which Dad’s Your Go-To. #SorryMom

l Adventures. Like, say, if you want to go to Maui for college or take skydiving lessons. It starts from the time you are 11 months old and he tosses you high above the ozone layer and back. You, as the child, are almost literally over the moon with joy while Mom watches in agonizing horror. Nah, Dad is the one for escapades and kooky quests. We moms will just freak out. And probably cry. A lot.

l Car shopping. Nobody haggles like Pop. The car Yoda stuff has a multitude of subtopics, such as how to change a tire, how to check the oil, how to jump a battery, identifying a spark plug, etc.

l Checking the plumbing. Ditto wiring, breaker boxes and most all other technical house stuffs.

l Roughhousing. Only dads can turn hide-and-seek or freeze tag into an Olympic sport, yo. I think most actually qualify for pro status in wrestling and boxing. Anyway, this also applies to extended silly sessions that include arm-swinging, tree-climbing and generally just getting kids really, really riled up and all crazy-like — usually the night before school pictures.

l Building sand castles. See also burying you or getting buried by you in the sand. It’s applicable to soil of all types, really. Think mud pies. Dads just do dirt better.

l Shoulder rides. Piggyback rides. Basically, any bodily carrying of children over the age of 24 months, I’d say.

l Self-defense tactics. Come on, Mom’s mean face? Meh. You want to learn how to stop an intruder cold with just two fingers, dial D for Dad.

l Outside stuff. Think grilling, mowing the lawn, rotary tilling the garden, planting a tree or erecting a man-cave — um, I mean tool shed.

l Directions. Look, if you’re not Googling it, you can be sure that Dad and only Dad knows the fastest, safest and cheapest route. #NoTolls

l Tough love. Only your father will give you brutal honesty. He won’t worry himself with whether you want it or not because he knows you NEED it, capsice?

Thank you, Pop, for being my go-to guy. And to my very own angel here on earth, my Mother Arleen; happy Tuesday birthday. #LoveYouBothSoMuch

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who keeps trying to be calm, cool and collected — like a dad. #SheAint Check out her daily blog at www.patriciakimerer.com

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