It seems Mother Nature is upset with us
As a child, especially an adult child, sometimes you have to offer your Mother a heartfelt apology.
You know how it is, no matter how old you are, you cannot stand the thought of having her upset with you or, even worse, giving you the cold shoulder. And hands. And feet. And, well, everything else.
Wait, you don’t think I’m talking about my actual Ma, do you? Heavens no, she is a saint on the earth. #LoveYouMom
No, no. I speak in the metaphorical sense about that imaginary matriarch of the third rock from the sun. You know, Mother Nature. Because, I’m not sure if any of the rest of you have noticed it but lately, it seems old Mama ain’t happy, yo.
I couldn’t help but think to myself, as Kerry and I drove through a near-apocalyptic monsoon on our way to a graduation party the other day, that this is not the kind, gentle Mother Nature of my youth.
Sure, she sent humidity in the summer and dumped snow in the winter but it was always bearable; not the nuclear hot or polar vortex cold she’s been spawning lately. We had soft, slow, subtle, beautiful transitions from season to season when I was a kid. She was far more patient back then.
Look, Mama N, I hope you’re not blaming me for Kerry’s refusal to pull over during that downpour because I am telling you I begged him no less than 822 times to stop driving while the rain was … honest. #StubbornMaleDrivers
I, on the other hand, defer to the weather conditions at hand when mine are on the steering wheel. Remember back in ’93 when it got so snowy that visibility was like, negative 47 percent? I sat on the off ramp like a good girl. Not to mention the time I stayed put in the mall parking lot with infant Kyle listening to Baby Mozart ’til the hail stopped, as any good daughter would.
Point is: I think Mama’s mad because we’re challenging her. Think about it.
In years past, we just relied on the Farmer’s Almanac or migratory bird patterns to predict the weather. Now, we are acting like we know more about it than she does and it’s really chipping her off. I’m talking to YOU, Stephanie Abrams. Your cocky tone as you give the daily forecast on AMHQ and the fact that you’re like a gazillionaire thanks to The Weather Channel© (TWC) is apparently not sitting well with Mama N.
Look, she thinks you’re trying to act all smarter than her, you dig? You are carrying on as if you can read her mind and cut her off at the pass and she is grounding all of us because of it. Like, literally.
Did you know that in 2017 Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport alone had 3,918 canceled flights?
Back in the days before TWC we measured the fuzz on caterpillars, the depth of mole holes, the height of hornet nests and the thickness of walnut shells to gage outside conditions and Mama N was happy. Now all you weather wizards are torqueing her to no end. I forgive Jim Cantore because, well, you know, he’s just so huggable. I digress.
Let’s all just give Mama N some props and maybe we get our seasons back.
And as for you, Ma’am, please relent…or I will be forced to go over your head to the real deal Creator, Capisce, Madre Natura?
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist praying she can put her winter boots away before the Fourth of July. Contact her at www.patriciakimerer.com